The Psychology of Love

Chapter 52 January

YU notices so many different facets in his expression.

His eyes look sad, while his mouth contorts into a grim line.

And he puts the fork with the fragrant yellow morsel back on the plate.

As if he has lost his appetite.

As if he doesn't want to indulge in delight.

YU perceives.

And when Dieckmann does not answer, he decides to intervene.

"I see that something is working in you. Has something happened? Is something going on with Professor Österreich? Is he not well?" asks YU calmly.

Dieckmann directs his gaze to his legs.

What has time done to him?

His old legs were young and strong.

Carried him forward.

Carried him on the pedestal of his life.

And now they are running down the stairs of his life.

All that time.

And only filled with memories of Bernhard.

His ridiculously thin but nimble legs.

Accompanied him.

Everywhere.

And yet he was content.

He was by his side and he was content.

Inwardly strong, despite secret longing, he was content with their arrangement.

But now that time had already played a trick on him, the peaceful dam is breaking.

He can't.

Can't stand Bernhard.

Nothing about him.

Not a moment of his presence.

He is so angry. So endlessly angry.

At himself. At him. At time.

How could he have let himself fall for an unrequited love for so long?

How could Bernhard have held him for so long?

Secretly glamorize him with his loving gestures?

And then break his heart.

He should finally find himself a wife.

He was fed up with taking care of him.

And still showing jealousy when someone made a pass at the quite attractive Manfred.

And again and again then going back home to his wife.

How could he bear it for so long?

And the treacherous time always made him deny himself.

And now that he realizes that he was never allowed to love freely and was never loved freely, he doesn't want any more.

He wants his peace.

And finds his peace in Sam and YU.

"YU, you don't have to worry. Bernard is fine. He wasn't planning on coming over. Everything is fine.", Dieckmann replies again in a composed manner after averting his thoughtful eyes from his legs.

YU bounces off Dieckmann's walls, unwilling to give up.

"He didn't seem like he was doing well, though. There was a haze in his eyes. The usually cheerful optimist, looked hurt and sad.