Love Worth Dying For (RusAme)

Regrets

Russia's POV:

I guess it's that stupid America's birthday party today. I sat on the couch, fumbling around with the gift I got for him. But I guess it's not for him anymore. Although I didn't want to get rid of it either cause it is a pretty cool gift. I was thinking about keeping it for myself. As I kept fidgeting with it my phone kept dinging. It was Germany harassing me in the group chat. All the others have just ignored me cause America told them everything. Now he's getting other countries to hold a grudge against me................why won't he just let go!?!??!?!?!?! Ukraine sat on the couch next to me.

"Dude...............why aren't you going to America's party?" He asked.

"Because he's a manipulative jerk that's just using me for his own sick twisted benefits!!!!!!"

"That's not what I heard." I sat there in silence for a few moments. "So what if he likes you???? I'm not saying you have to date him but you can still be friends. Plus I saw how you got along with him before. Yeah America's a bit................eccentric and not perfect but he's a good guy at heart."

"But the way he acts around me is just...........gross. He's been super obsessive over me lately and when I ask him to stop he doesn't listen!!!!!!" I saw the expression on Ukraine's face change. I guess he finally agreed with me. For once. I heard another ding on my phone. Probably just Germany again. But I decided to check anyways. Ugh............it was America.

Look, dude. I know I've been a bit clingy towards you lately..............but I've given up. I've given up on trying to date you. I guess.............I'll just have to get over it. I'm sorry I bugged you so much...........but even if we're not together we can still be good friends. So please forgive me.

"What does it say?" Ukraine asked. I tried to hide my phone from him but he just snatched it out of my hand and read the text. "Dude...........he said he's sorry............you should forgive him."

"No!!!!!! He's a gay creep why would I forgive him!?!?!?!?" I lashed out.

"You won't forgive him because he's gay???? You realize there's nothing wrong with being gay right?????"

"But dad said-"

"Look...........Russia. Dad was an alcoholic. And he almost killed me too. You think you should believe someone who was so neglectful of his own children............."

"I..........uh............."

"Remember when he beat you just because you played with these?" He grabbed those dolls off the shelf and handed them to me. "I myself have always been into more feminine things as a kid." That's right. I remember the one time Ukraine learned how to make flower crowns and then made a whole bunch of them for me and Belarus. Dad was not pleased simply because we played with flowers instead of doing "manly things." "And I know this sounds morbid............but ever since dad died I feel like I have had more freedom in my life............I felt like I could finally be myself without him judging me. I've always felt like I should've been a female but I was always too afraid to tell him cause then he would disown me. And afterwards............I've become afraid to tell you............please don't hurt me Russia............I would hate to watch my brother become what dad was..................."

A feeling of guilt suddenly began to wash over me. Ukraine seemed so hurt............just because of all the things I've said. I didn't know what to say..........or even think. Was what dad said...........really true??? I began to think about it. I thought about all the good times I had with America. His laugh...........his smile..........his endless amount of confidence that I wish I had but just didn't...........it almost made me feel warm inside. Really good, actually. I remembered when he went to that lake with Japan...........and how much I wished I was there. And.............when he saved me from suicide. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here. He was the first real friend I've had in forever.............Yeah there was China and North Korea but they really only used me to intimidate others. He helped me be more confident in myself, even if it was just a little. He was my comrade. But now.............I've thrown that all away. I'm right back to where I started. Alone.

I looked back at Ukraine. Yeah.............I guess he never really liked dad. He had always been into more feminine things and dad never liked that. It never bothered me as a kid but after dad died I made fun of Ukraine for still liking feminine things. I guess that's why he always tried to avoid me.............he wasn't the jerk, I was. Yet again. My face began to feel hot and I let a tear roll down my face. Ukraine looked at me and wiped it off. It's like he somehow knew what I was thinking. Er............she? I was so confused.

"Look Ruski............it's not too late to turn things around."

"Now that I think about it.............Ame really did make me feel happy. Like..........so happy he almost made me feel nervous in the stomach............." Wait why did I say it like that? Ukraine's face suddenly lit up.

"Dude..............that means you like him!!!!!!!"

"What............no!?!??!?!?!?!??! I stuttered. "You crazy why does everyone think I like him!?!?!?!?"

"If you feel warm and fuzzy around someone that usually means you like them. Like I feel around this guy I have a crush on..................."

"Huh-now you................"

"Well look Ruski if you turn out to be gay I'm not going to judge you like dad would've.................so now you go to Ame's party!!!!!!"

"I'll.............think about it............."

America's POV:

It feels like I've been down in the basement for ages. I've probably missed like half the party at this point. But I guess I've calmed down enough so I can try to enjoy myself. I went outside and dad was standing right there.

"Son!!!!! There you are!!!!" He hugged me. "Come on now, it's time for the cake!!!!" I reluctantly took his hand and slouched my way over to where the cake table was. I put on my sunglasses to hide my puffy eyes. This was supposed to be a happy occasion.........but I knew it just wouldn't be the same without Russia. I wanted to be with him, even if he was just a friend.

But then..........just as I had given up...........out of the corner of my eye I saw a tall boy with a familiar ushanka, standing at the gate and holding a small box.

"Russia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"