A Dementor's Kiss - Phan

Crossfire

“Girlfriends?” Umbridge questioned, her voice a little strained.

“Friends who are girls,” Paulina clarified. “I’m remembering all over again how wonderful Annie is. I just want to spend all my time with her. I’ve never had that before, because all my friends were boys. But now, thanks to you, I’m only spending time with girls. I used to not like them very much, but I really do now. Thank you, Professor.”

Umbridge opened and closed her mouth a few times, searching for a reply, then walked away, wordless. Behind her, Annie Samson let out the breath she had been holding and gave Paulina’s shoulders a tight squeeze of congratulations.

~

“That’s the best bit about it,” Carrie was reporting happily to Sophie in a quiet corner of the library as Dan, Phil, Chris and PJ perched themselves on footstools and chairs. She had a grin on her lips that Dan hadn’t seen for many days. “It only works because she’s homophobic. We want her to believe that she’s made everyone gay. If she had two brain cells to rub together she’d realise that’s not how it works, people can’t change their sexuality. But she’s so terrified of the whole thing that it’s the automatic conclusion she jumps to.”

Sophie grinned back at her. “I’m so happy with how absolutely people got on board with it. I mean, it’s not a big ask – we’re only hanging around publically with same gender groups anyway – see Umbridge coming, split into pairs. Be as touchy as you dare. But you know, there are a few people who think she’s got the right idea. I thought they might cause a fuss, but so far I haven’t heard anything.”

“Me neither,” Chris shook his head. “Three of mine have spoken to her today, all similar questions.”

“You haven’t heard the best bit yet,” Phil said with a gleeful smile. “Apparently, Madam Pomfrey and McGonagall were holding hands earlier. Umbridge asked why, and McGonagall goes ‘Oh, it’s just the atmosphere in the castle at the moment. It’s all so lovely after your decree. I know it only applies to students, but it’s made me realise how little I’ve appreciated the female gender up until now.’ Umbridge looked like she was about to have an aneurism.”

“You should see Dumbledore,” Dan chortled. “He’s practically bouncing off the walls.”

“It was him that gave me the idea, actually,” Sophie confessed. No one could keep the smiles off their faces, and Madam Pince was very notably turning a blind eye to their illicit gathering.

“How so?” Carrie asked, intrigued.

“Well,” Sophie began. “I was walking down the second floor corridor on a free period, so it was pretty empty. Dumbledore was coming the other way. So obviously I did a half terrified, half polite smile and then, just out of the blue, he goes ‘have you got a plan yet?’ and I’m like, what? I swear that man has spies in the brickwork or something. Anyway, he then shakes his head and says ‘shame, I was hoping for something good. Well, best of luck to you. Have a very happy Christmas.’ And he walks off. So I sort of nod and grimace, and carry on trying to figure out what he was on about. I’ve barely gone two paces when I realise the suit of armour at the end of the corridor is singing something quiet, which is odd, you know? The only time they ever do anything is when they’re bewitched for festive stuff, like when they sing carols at Christmas. Naturally, I’m a little curious,” Sophie was getting into her story now, enjoying the suspense as her audience listened on eagerly. “Sure enough, he’s singing ‘Deck the Halls’, only something seemed to be going wrong with the charm, because he just kept repeating the line ‘don we now our gay apparel’. I have a little look at him, and then I turn around and Dumbledore had stopped at the other end of the corridor to watch me. So I just raise an eyebrow, and he winks and disappears round the corner.”