Ikaw parin ang pipiliin kong mahalin, sa susunod na habang buhay.
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"Trex, do you believe in reincarnation?" I asked her out of the blue. It's passed 11 in the evening at nandito parin kami sa rooftop. Feeling the cold breeze of air, being mesmerized by the city lights, and witnessing how beautiful the moon and stars at night.
"Yes? No? But yes?" She laughed after saying those words. "You know Ben, lahat ng tao ay may iba't ibang paniniwala. So it depends on their beliefs. Pero kung ako ang tatanungin, there's a part of me to say yes and a part to say no. Wala naman kasing sigurado sa mundong 'to." She added.
Trexy and I, have been friends since we were born. Yes, you read it right. Mag bestfriends rin kasi yung mga parents namin. So it's like we were tied with strings, and born to be connected. As a friend.
"Maiba nga tayo, alam mo, matagal-tagal ka naring hindi nakakapag kuwento about sa lovelife mo ha! Kumusta pala kayo nung Dianne? Ano, nag work ba?" She asked like an excited little girl.
"Yes, naging kami. But it only last for 2 months. Alam mo yung todo effort kana, ginawa mo naman yung lahat, pero sabi niya hindi pa daw 'yon enough. At siya pa yung nakipagbreak!" I lied.
Hindi naman kasi talaga naging kami ni Dianne, or every girl na nirereto niya sa akin. I only dated all of them for days and explain to them that this won't work, and they deserve someone better.
And how would I commit into other girls if there's only one girl I love?
"Trex, tayo nalang kaya?" I asked with no hesitations.
"Ben! G*go kaba?" She then burst into laughter. "Alam mo, hinding hindi ko talaga maiimagine na magiging tayo. Ambaho ng kili-kili mo, tulog mantika kapa, mabaho medyas mo, tapos ano? sakin mo ipapalaba mga damit mo?" She continued while laughing.
I glared at her.
"Hindi, joke lang, Ben." She seriously said.
"Diba sabi ko naman sa'yo, na hindi nga tayo pwede? I'm in a relationship with someone else at ayaw ko rin masira yung friendship natin." She added with her monotone voice.
"At sinong nagsabi na seryoso ako?" I asked and faked my laugh.
"Ito naman, hindi mabiro." I added.
And that's the hatest attitude of mine. Being coward. But I guess it's not only me? I mean, most of us regret this kind of thing because we are afraid to be rejected. And it's the reality, a reality that not everyone will accept what you feel.
And if telling her the truth will ruin our friendship and losing her as well, then I would be a coward forever.
After that night, hindi na kami ulit nagkita ni trexy. Napagdesisyonan kasi naming mag friendly date sa rooftop bago siya umalis dito sa Pilipinas. And it is something that would hurt me forever.
I can't accept the fact that I've missed the chance of telling her what I truly feel. Kung sana man lang nasabi ko sa kaniya na mahal ko siya at walang halong biro. But still, it won't change her decision. Sa kaniya narin mismo nanggaling na hindi kami puwede.
How could love be this cruel to me? Kasalanan ko ba na siya lang 'yong babaeng mahal ko? But maybe this is my fate. To love someone, who can't love me back.
It's been five years since nagkita kami sa rooftop. At simula noong umalis siya, I always have a time to chat her, to give her messages, to call. But unfortunately no response.
Hindi ko alam, pero baka nga pinutol niya na yung samahan namin. We are no longer friends on Facebook or Twitter or any social media platforms. Without knowing any reason.
