punctual

fallen out of love

It was gradual. Maybe over the course of six or seven months. But it didn't take Remus long to notice what was going on. But what he was wondering was why this was happening. He was pulling away. The one person he loved more than anything was pulling away from Remus. And it killed him even worse than the full moons.

At first, it was just arriving a few minutes late to their bi-weekly dates. Sirius always had an excuse at the ready, but the excuse that time was losing track of time planning a prank on the Slytherins. He never used to be late. He'd always be punctual, or most times, early.

Next, it turned to half an hour late a few months later. Remus felt that this was too much of a coincidence, so he brought it up to Sirius. "Love, I just wanted to bring something up. I've noticed over the past few months that you've been making up excuses as to why you're coming late to our dates. If you're busy, you can just tell me. I love you, and I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to show up. Just let me know, ok?" Remus warily spoke.

Sirius just nodded his head. Something Remus was seeing more of lately. Not many words. Just gestures. They were either not really talking, or they were too busy between the sheets. There was no happy medium. There weren't really any loving conversations. At least reciprocated ones. Remus did the majority of the talking.

Remus had found that strange. He knew that Sirius was a lively man, so him not being very vocal was off-putting. "James, do you know if anything is wrong with Sirius? He's been acting strange these past few months. Did something happen with his family?" Remus questioned the bespectacled boy.

"No, everything is fine. Why do you ask? He seems fine to me." He replied with a fervor that Remus was not familiar with. At least not on James. Something that fit more with Peter, their shifty friend.

"Oh, well, thanks for the help." He replied, downtrodden.

He didn't bring it up to Sirius. He couldn't bring himself to it. He felt something must be wrong, but what if Sirius just didn't want to burden Remus with it. He shouldn't feel like a burden. He was anything but a burden in Remus' eyes. He was the love of his life. His beautiful star boy.

A few more months went by, and he started showing up even later. And by later, like hours later. Remus was the type to wait around for the people he cares about. And no matter what was going on with Sirius, he would wait for him.

But within the next month or so, something changed; they weren't even sleeping together. He wouldn't let Remus anywhere near that part of him. They wouldn't even partake in PDA; it was like he was ashamed of Remus. The whole school already knew they were a couple, so when they saw the two boys who were usually inseparable, apart, they were curious as to what was going on. The last time they had noticed this was during the prank in their 5th year, two years ago. Remus had enough. He was going to bring it up at their next date.

He didn't show up. He had waited for three hours, and he was a no-show. And he had the map, so he couldn't check it to see if he was anywhere near. Tired of waiting, he went back up to the dorm, only to see the boy who he was waiting on, sitting on his bed with a cigarette in hand.

The first feeling Remus felt was betrayal. But he was thinking he must have a good reason for not showing up. He would ask him about it; he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Uh, love, can we talk?" Remus asked, Sirius, flinching at the word love. He nodded his head.

"I uh- I've noticed the past few months that you have been closed off. I asked James about it, and he said that you seemed fine. I let it be, but you don't even hold my hand anymore. Or kiss me. Did I do something wrong? Please talk to me, Pads."

Sirius just looked at him, face void of any emotion. Like he didn't know what those were. "I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry. I've been trying to find a way to let you down easily, but I didn't know how. I asked James for help, but he said he wouldn't 'help destroy our loose-knit group.' But I felt I was destroying that by staying with you."

Remus couldn't breathe. It was like all the air was stolen from his lungs, and someone was preventing him from gasping for more. That someone being Sirius.

"Why- is it because of my lycanthropy? Am I too clingy? I don't think I was. Was I? Did I not show I loved you enough? Why? Did I do something wrong?" He sputtered out. The words getting lost in his throat. "Wait, you said that James knew? That was four months ago. How long have you been feeling like this?" He had to sit down, but he couldn't get his legs to work.

"For about eight months. You did nothing wrong. I just fell out of love. I tried easing myself away from you, but you were too resilient. I tried building up my walls, but you kept knocking them down with all the love you gave. But I couldn't give any back because I had none to give. This was never your fault Remus. I'm sorry. I'll ask Dumbledore if he can get me changed to a different room. You shouldn't have to change-" Remus cut him off. This getting too much to bear. One, he never called him Remus, even these past few weeks. He still would call him Moony. Two, why couldn't he have just been honest. It would have felt better than this. The betrayal of someone who you trust with your biggest secrets and all of your love. This hurt more than the transformations.

"No. I'll move. James picked his side when he didn't tell me. Peter will follow both of you to the ends of the earth. I'll go. Too many memories here. I'll see you lot 'round Sirius." With that, he headed out the door to Dumbledore's office, leaving Sirius standing there with a pained expression on his face. If only he knew that he did this to protect him. His love for Remus wouldn't ever die.