Obsidian & Bronze {Fred Weasley}

40. Rejected

"Yeah but Snape's a right git, he'll barely let anyone through" Ron scoffed as we clambered out of a carriage, Harry nodding in agreement as Hermione hung her head low.

"What's this about?" I questioned groggily, my voice distance and quiet as my body had only just begun to spring back to life after my nine hour nap, the black spots only then starting to evade my vision.

"Advanced classes" Harry clarified, "Entrance exams are this coming week, are you going to sit any?"

I pondered briefly, only then acknowledging that I had no clear vision of where I hoped to be after Hogwarts, and therefore had no proposition as to what kind of subjects I'd like to study further.

As a kid, when I was really young, when Reus asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I only ever had one answer, it never differed or changed, I never thought about it further, it remained as such: "I want to change the world"

That wasn't enough anymore. I wanted to change the world, but it seemed rather foolish to attempt to do this with no plan. A few dull ideas buzzed in the back of my head but that's all they were, dull ideas. Nothing sparked to life, nothing became anything.

"Defence against the dark arts and Potions, I suppose" I shrugged as I stifled a yawn,  throwing myself down onto the couch in the common room, my eyes fighting sleep as my head rested on the arm on the sofa. The room was strangely quiet. As though something was missing, or perhaps someone.

Soon the feeling of arms around my waist and my chin upon someone's shoulder stirred my sleep, pulling me back into consciousness but not enough for me to open my eyes, and sure enough my pillow was below my head and the cool moonlight spilled in and absorbed the room, lulling me back to sleep.

*****

Three more days passed. I heard nothing from Fred. I wasn't expecting to, but that comes from my deep rooted tendency to always assume the worst of people. If you assume the best you are always disappointed, assuming the worst means that you are either met with exactly what you had expected or pleasantly surprised, those odds always proved more appealing.

I doubted he even remembered the kiss, it wasn't as though I had thought about nothing else every moment of every day since it had happened...or at least that's what I told myself, opposing the truth that that kiss was the first time I had felt like home in months.

I used to struggle to distinguish the feeling of home, I thought it was a feeling that attached itself to permanent places. Then I learnt that in fact some people carry this feeling, in the tips of their fingers, the quirk of their lips, the sound of their laugh, the touch of their hands, they radiate home.

However this theory has since expanded, I pondered it occasionally, but that kiss was my proof. Fred Weasley did not carry the feeling of home, Fred Weasley was home.

"Lupin? Did you hear me?" Snape drawled, aggressively knocking me from my distant thoughts and pulling me back to his classroom. "I said, you will each receive a letter by the end of the day with your score of the exam and whether you were accepted into the advanced class or not"

"Sorry sir, yes" I nodded, packing away my things into my bag and glancing over at Hermione on the other side of the room. She was one of the seven other people, including myself, going for the advanced potions class, and it was evident she would receive a place, but I had been working my ass off to ensure I received the second one, something unlikely but still plausible, and I was refusing to relinquish the last of my hope.

I had been accepted into my advanced Defence against the dark arts class, along with Hermione, Pansy, Draco and Hannah, but Potions would be different, there were not only less spaces, but much more at stake. Snape may have been the most heinous human being to ever curse the earth, but he was good at what he did, and if I wanted to change the world, he was definitely the place to start.