How I See The Colours Of The Rainbow

Chapter three - Yellow

Yellow. My least favourite colour because of its common cheerful and sunny associations. And my lack thereof. I've never felt much connection to the colour and never found much inspiration from it. Even as a child. I've always found yellow to be too bright, too strong. Even though I pretended to have joy, this does not mean it was always authentic. It may appear as though I am joyous and jovial but deep down I cannot escape the feeling that I am trapped inside the dark recesses of my own mind.

That is not to say that I don't experience some form of happiness, because I do, with those I hold most dear. Even if only for a moment. Yet I know that that happiness doesn't last and that my mind will collapse around me again and darken the edges of the world, clouding my vision. This may be why my mind repels the colour yellow. There no shadow within it, no dark corners as there are in my head. Yellow has a long and inescapable reach brightening all that it covers. I've always believed that those that find comfort and joy in such a cheerful colour to be better people than myself for I could not imagine doing the same. Instead, my mind as stated before delights and finds comfort in doom and pain for that is what it is used to. I will recognise that I fear recovery simply because I am so used to the torture my own mind has created for me, and at times this fear overrides my wont for a healthy mind. So finding joy in such a bright colour is simply out of the question. Happiness is a very human concept, and changes for every individual. Despite this, I am unsure of what my happiness consists of, for have I truly known what real happiness is?

Then my mind realises that the lemon is yellow and perhaps the happiness that it is associated with is simply a facade since the fruit is so bright yet so sour. It is bitter in my mouth and the colour is bitter in my mind.

It can also represent hope, something I have almost have zero of, since I have lost my faith in society. Hope is such a fickle thing yet it can unite mass populations. This confuses my small and isolated mind since I've long since recognised societies failures and yet I still have a little hope that I could change things, that I could make life better for just one person. I am unsure as to why this hope lives on in the smallest degree when I myself am hopeless in regards to my own recovery.

This is not to say that there isn't any inspiration to draw from such a bright colour, only that it is small in size and limited in originality and creativity. In that regard, hope does provide some inspiration for me, in that I wish to create pieces that reflect societies failures in order to open the eyes of others as it is my belief that is how change can begin to be brought about and is absolutely necessary for change to occur. Perhaps this is the reason I enjoy theatre and performing as it is not uncommon for most plays and performing arts work to contain strong social messages that point out societies flaws. I am inspired to write dramatic pieces that show how society ruins the lives of many and sets up the human race for failure. This is the way am inspired by the colour yellow and it's attachments to the concept of hope. I wonder how this colour and it's surrounding connotations inspires you and what it may make you want to create?