Love in the Moon
“I love you, I'll be back soon.” Those are just his words before leaving me behind. Missing him as time goes by. I can't stop him to chase his dream, I don't want to be a burden and an obstacle for him to reach his goals.
Nakatitig ako sa buwan na nagbibigay liwanag sa buong paligid, habang hinahawi ng sariwang hangin ang ibang hibla ng aking buhok. Nalalanghap ang sariwang hangin at hindi maiwasang mapangisi ng mapait.
“Are you... coming back?” I uttered, staring at the moon intently. If I can turn back time, I would go where he promised me that he'd come back for me. I wanted... to go back and stop him for reaching his dreams even though I would be selfish.
I can't... I can't spend a day while still hoping that he would come back.
Someone held my hand, the person who did it caught my attention. As I gazed at the person and I quickly took back my hand. “There's no sign of him from coming back.”
I rolled my eyes, it was like daggers that hit my heart simultaneously. I can't accept it, after for many years. I'm still hoping... I hope. I hope that he would come back, embracing me with his arms. Kissing me passionately with love. I miss him, I miss how he treated me like I was too precious. I miss everything about him.
“I know he'd come back.” I said with finality. I heard him groan, so I glared at him but he just smiled playfully.
“I'm here. I can be him.” No. He can't be him, hindi sila magkapareho. Siya ang mahal ko, hindi siya. Hindi ko siya mahal.
“No one can be him.” I said matter-of-factly. He laughed with sarcasm.
“But I can be your boyfriend, since he died already.” Hindi ko na maatim ang mga pinagsasabi niya. He was insane! Anong pinagsasabi niya?!
“He's alive.” Mariin kong sabi, ngunit hindi niya ako sinuportahan. Tumawa na naman siya ngunit hindi ko maintindihan kung alin do'n ang nakakatawa.
“Well, if he's alive. Then where is he?” I felt a pang in my chest. Hindi ko alam bakit ako nasaktan, bakit may kirot sa sinabi niya. Buhay pa siya! Buhay pa!
“If I were you, I would have stop him to reach for his dreams if it is dangerous.” He smiled at me mockingly, hindi ko magugustuhan ang mga sinasabi niya. Hindi siya nakakatuwa.
“I don't... I don't want to stop him. I can only do is to support him, so he wouldn't leave me.” He raised a brow, having a victorious smile.
“See? Hindi ka niya mahal.” Napayuko ako sa sinabi niya, agad nangilid ang aking mga luha. Alam ko naman 'yon. Matagal ko na 'yong napagtanto.
“Ngunit handa naman akong mahalin ka.” Dugtong niya sa sinabi niya kanina. Ngunit umiling lang ako. Hindi 'yon posible. Hindi ko makita ang sarili na magmamahal ng iba, dahil alam ko na siya lang ang natatanging tao na nakakpaagpabilis ng tibok nito.
“But I don't love you.” I said, I saw how pain flashed on his face but he immediately recovered and just nodded.
“After all these years, still him... huh?” Nakangiti niyang sambit habang nakatingin sa 'kin, ngunit agad din itong napawi at nag-iwas siya ng tingin.
“Nandirito naman ako, bakit hindi nalang ako?” When our eyes met again, I saw how hurt he was. How he wanted me to choose him, how he wanted me to be his. “Nandirito ako, ngunit iba pa rin ang nasa isip mo.”
“Nandirito ka, pero hindi kita kailangan. Hindi ka kailanman ang magiging dahilan sa pagbilis ng pagtibok ng aking puso. Hindi... hindi kita kayang mahalin kahit ipilit ko pa. Magkaiba kayo, ikaw na hindi ko mahal at siya na Mahal na mahal ko.” Iniwas ko ang aking tingin dahil hindi ko kayang tingnan pa siya. Ayaw kong masaktan sa reaksyon niya. Kahit na hindi ko nais na saktan siya, ngunit nais kong itigil niya ang kahibangang ito.
“Hindi pa rin kita titigilan. Hanggang sa mapagtanto mo, na ako lang ang mayroon ka. Ako lang ang taong magmamahal sa 'yo... kahit na hindi mo ako kayang mahalin.” His voice cracked with his last words. I shooked my head, tears forming in my eyes.
“Hindi mo ba maintindihan? Hindi kita mahal! Hinding-hindi kita mamahalin! Hindi ako mahuhulog sa kagaya mo.” Even he was hurting, he hugged me tightly. I heard his sobs, but I can't... I can't stay longer. I don't want to give him false hopes
“Why are you tormenting me so much? Ang sakit mo namang mahalin. Kahit... kahit ito na lang sana. Itong yakap na lang, lalayuan na kita.” I agreed with him. I hope so. I hope that he'd stay away from me.
I want to, wait for my love. He's not my love. He's just an obstacle for me to reach my dream. My dream that I can still reach my love, even he was in the moon. Still, no sign of him after that incident.
“I'm sorry, but I wanted this. I want to follow him. I cleared all of the things already. I know you can find someone, who would love you.” Those are my words, when I left him behind to follow my love in where was he.
Kahit na imposible man na naroon siya — buhay. Hindi pa rin nawawala sa 'kin ang pag-asa. Na buhay pa siya, hinihintay lang ako at may malaking sorpresa.
As I communicated to the PASA that I landed successfully in the moon. I jumped, from my spaceship. Jumping in the moon, finding alive living things. But when I saw a flag, with PASA logo in it. I went directly through it.
Then my tears cascaded down my face. I reached for it, touching the suit of an astronaut with skeleton inside it. I saw a tape recorder and played it.
“My love, I can't believe this. For many years, I followed her and she was now lifeless. I can only see her skeleton inside her suit. But I'm thankful, that I followed her. I would fullfil my promise with her.” I saw how he recorded a suit and I saw a skeleton. Lumapit siya roon, with the round like helmet I saw how his tears streamed down his cheeks.
Tumabi siya roon, umupo. Pinakita pa niya kung paano niya pinagsiklop ang kan'yang mga daliri sa mga daliri ng kalansay. “Until my last breath, with our hands intertwined. I love her, I didn't love someone else only her. It was only her.”
He took of his round like helmet and I saw how he breath, hindi siya makahinga. With still tears continuously falling. He uttered, “I love her.”
Nabitawan niya ang tape recorder at namatay ito. Napadako ang tingin ko sa tabi niya, isa ring astronaut and her suit was familiar. With their intertwined fingers I can feel that they love each other despite how the universe apart them.
My heart slowly shattering into pieces as I vividly remembered anything. How he told me, that he would come back for me but he came back with his real love.
It was my sister who looked like me.
I can say that he doesn't like me. He loved me because he can see my sister in me. Those words he uttered was for his...
Love in the moon.
Ngunit nagulat ako ng may humawak sa aking mga kamay. Napatingin ako rito at nanlaki ang aking mga mata dahil hindi ako makapaniwala. Paano nangyari ito?
Bakit siya narito?
With tears also forming in his eyes he took of his round like helmet. Kahit na nahihirapan na ring huminga. “Mahal kita, kahit na... kahit na mamatay ako rito bahala na basta kasama kita.”
Shocked, but I nodded. I realized na nabulag lang ako sa nasa aking isipan na mahal ko ang mahal ng kapatid ko ngunit ang totoo ay mahal ko pala talaga ang lalaking katabi ko ngayon. Slowly, I took of mine.
I smiled, still tears continuously falling. “I love you.”
I suddenly realized that I love him too. I was blinded by the thought that I love my sister's boyfriend. He was my long time crush. Ngunit hindi ko na napagtuonan ng pansin ang nararamdaman ko para sa lalaki.
He kissed me, kahit na ilang segundo lamang ay malalagutan ako ng hininga. I kissed him back to show our...
Love in the moon.
Wakas
