The Psychology of Love

Chapter 40 Dawn

He misses him so.

With the feeling of longing, Sam falls asleep and suddenly awakens with his heart fluttering.

The dawn puts a calm veil over his pounding heart.

He gets up and puts on some tea water. After attending to his morning needs in the bathroom, he makes himself some tea, puts his YU-scented beige wool blanket around his shoulders and goes out to his terrace.

The icy cold air makes him shiver. He grips the warm, steaming cup with both hands and warms his face to its fragrant magic.

Why did he wake up so early? Dawn usually accompanies him during sleep.

He slowly walks towards the railing. He looks forward to his view and feels the longing haunting him again.

He would so much like to have YU by his side now.

He takes a sip and lets his eyes be sprinkled by the gray reflections of the water surface. The weeping willows play their wistful dance, caressing gentle ripples into the still Lietzensee.

Sam lets the sight soothe him and leads his eyes to the great playground of his lost childhood.

And he sees a person in black on the swing in the still empty playground.

His heart stops. He rubs his eyes. Believes again only to fantasize.

But he sees him. He sees him. He sees YU sitting on the swing.

He is not swinging. He's sitting still.

And Sam's heart begins to race from the sudden adrenaline rush.

He unconsciously grabs his pants pocket. His pajamas have no pockets and his cell phone wouldn't do him any good either.

He still doesn't have YU's phone number.

He shakes his head and hurries inside.

YU is there. He is waiting for him. He is there.

Sam quickly gets dressed and runs.

And he knows he has to run around the lake first to get to the playground.

He runs and tastes the metallic taste of his red blood cells in his throat.

Sam runs past the Stella boathouse. The large, empty wooden deck stands still at the far end of Lietzensee. The brightly colored lanterns still accompany the dawn before they go dormant again until dark.

He runs past the large lawn that witnesses colorful machinations of chilling, playing, laughing people during the day.

Runs on, even as his diaphragm cramps.

Along the magnificent flower garden, under the avenue of tall, old trees.

Sam runs.

He runs to YU.

With hot steaming wild breath he reaches one of the entrances to the playground.

Abruptly he stops and breathes his hot steaming longing into the cold atmosphere.

The nostalgic little cart with delicious coffee specialties in front of the fenced playground is still closed.
They are still coming. The full-blooded parents watching their children thrive.

The old lovers who rejoice at the sight of happy children.

The coffee lovers who have taken Lietzensee Park to their hearts.

Sam calms his breathing and finally enters the big sandbox.

He runs toward the swing.

The lone seat to YU's left stands still.

Sam sees YU's back and how he warms his hands under his armpits. His black hair lies over his big black scarf.

"Is this seat free?" asks Sam mischievously, watching his turtle leave the cottage.

YU's face rises from the big scarf and looks at Sam with twinkling cat eyes.

He smiles and Sam sits down on the swing. His stomach tingles and his heart again shows the flutter that wakes him.

"I haven't seen you here before. Is this your first time here?" asks Sam mischievously.

"I'm here waiting for someone. Someone special to me. He's been here with me before," YU's soft voice rings out.

"I don't think he should keep you waiting. I'm here now, after all. I like you. Can I maybe have your number?", Sam flirts, amazed that he blushes.

YU giggles into his scarf.

"Sure. I like you, too. Here's my cell phone. Call you with it and you'll have my number.", YU replies, taking his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and handing it to Sam.

Sam accepts the cell phone with raised eyebrows and gives YU a smack, a Knuppi.

"So that's how easy it is to get your number. You don't give it to anyone. What are you doing?" grumbles Sam more seriously than he'd like.

YU laughs up, takes upswing and starts swinging.

Sam is still unjustifiably angry and starts swinging too.

"Come on, tell me. Who else are you going to give your number to.", YU Sam's sound waves reach while swinging high.

YU laughs.

"It's just you Sam. It's just you!" he shouts, stopping his swing with his feet in the sand.

Sam slows down too and looks at him.

"I didn't get a good night's sleep. Missed you so much. And then I decided to wait here for you. Looking at your terrace at dawn made me rest better," YU says honestly.

Sam feels all his muscles soften. He is melting. The longing for YU in his arms swirls inside him and stirs him up.

"I've missed you, too. Come, let's go to my place. You must be frozen. And it's not like I'm allowed to warm you here," Sam's wistful voice rings out.

YU jumps off the swing and nods happily. Sam also gets off and stands in front of YU. He brings his hand to his ice-cold face and caresses it tenderly.

YU closes his eyes and brushes his face against Sam's hand.

He puts his hand on Sam's and tentatively pulls it down. A little too long, he clasps it and finally releases it.

They both walk back the way they came to Sam's apartment. They enjoy the walk at dawn.

And laughter can be heard at Lietzensee Park, which is not yet busy.

YU's laugh and cackle resounds as they walk along the large meadow.

"How on earth do you get around so fast? Why would you give a stranger your number?", Sam is still annoyed.

He can't believe he's jealous of himself again. Only YU can do that. Again and again.

And YU enjoys his jealousy. He enjoys it so much. His joy bubbles out of him and he chortles, cackles and laughs.

He would have stayed longer. He would have waited even longer.

When the darkness let itself be dispelled by the dawn, he was happy to finally be able to see Sam's terrace.

In the dark, he could only feel him. His Sam.

Throughout the night he could only feel him on the swing.

Until dawn brought him.

His Sam.