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Rindou // Pastime

He didn't respond and just continue to drink his beer. After one big gulp, he put it on the coffee table and stand removing my arms around him.

"Go take a shower, you smell like curry. I want you in my bed within thirty minutes naked." He said as he continues to walk without looking at me.

I don't really care if he uses my body for pleasure. I gladly give it to him. that's how much I love him, that's how I'm serious in dedicating every inch of me to him.

After we did the deed he pushes me to the side and stand up. He lit his cigarette. I watch him puff the smoke. After a minute or two I called his name.

"Rindou"

"Yeah."

"Do you think someday you will love me back?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" He laughs as he put down his cigarette to the ashtray.

"If you're looking for love, you can't get it from me. You are free to leave and find someone. I don't care."

"No! No! I won't leave you. I love you!"

"But to answer your question. No. I will never love you, you're just my pastime when I'm bored and tired. I hope this time you sink that to your little brain." He said as he takes his clothes and put them on. I looked down and hugged my knees. Tears just suddenly fall. I want to control it but my body doesn't cooperate. It hurts coming from him that he will never love me but I'm still holding to the promise he made twenty-one years ago.

"Where are you going?" I said when I saw him walk towards the door.

"Out. You're annoying."

Rindou

"Ahoy! What are you doing here at this hour?" Sanzu said and sits beside me. I just look at him side-eye and drink my whisky.

"Is your little roommate is still there? The one you despise?"

"Yeah."

"Well if you want to get rid of her, give it to me. She'll enjoy everything I will do to her."

I loudly put down my drinks to the bar counter.

"Shut up or I will blow your head."

"Ohhhh... Getting mad I see. Interesting." Sanzu laughs like a lunatic.

"Tch" I put the money on the counter and walk away.

"Boss Mikey said there's a new assignment for you tomorrow!" Sanzu yells as I walk away.

********

The next day it's already 8:00 pm when my men bring the guy Mikey asked me to kill.

"I said a guy! Why there's a girl here?" I shout at my two men who carried them with a sack in their heads.

"The girl was in the area when we kidnap him, she saw our faces and tried to call the police so we took her also." One guy explained.

"You idiots only have one job!" I pull the trigger of my gun but it's pointed upwards making my men flinch.

"Remove the covers!" I said. They are still in shock and didn't move. "NOW!" I shouted. They hurriedly remove the sack from the victim's head and to my shock the girl they brought is Y/N. There are still blindfolds in their eyes. She's trembling and silently crying

"The fuck!" I cuss I pointed the gun towards my men "idiots!" I said and shoot them. I didn't bother to listen to their plea.

I walk to the guy I was assigned to kill. He's a businessman that didn't pay us the money we asked so Mikey instructs me to kill him. He's pleading for his life. I hold his hair and shoot him in his head.

I saw Y/N flinch in my peripheral vision. I took a deep breath before I walk towards her to remove her blindfold.

"Rindou?" She said crying.

"Yeah."

"Why am I here?"

"You've heard the conversations right."

She looks down.

"Are you going to kill me?"

"I have to." I pointed the gun at her head. She looked up and smile at me.

"It's fine if you're the one who will do it." She said.

I look at her in her eyes. "This is why I keep pushing you away! I know things like this will happen. But you're so fucking stubborn! FUCK!" I put my two hands over my head and walk in circles.

I keep pushing her but at the same time, I want her beside me. Her love sometimes made me feel that I am not a bad person but this is reality. I have killed over fifty people and I dedicated my loyalty to Mikey.

"It's because I love you so much, I can't leave you."

"Loving someone like me will only bring you hell. My life is a mess. You should've run away when I told you to and live a happy peaceful life."

"But you are my happiness, Rindou! and if that happiness is from this hell, I will gladly accept it." She paused and look at me with those kind eyes. "I love you since we are young."

"That boy is gone Y/N. I'm a cold-blooded killer."

"I don't believe you."

"Look the fuck around!" I pointed my gun everywhere "See that! I killed them. Open your eyes. I'm not that kind kid anymore."

"Then if you can't love me. I might as well die in your hands. I will be happy." She said firmly

"You're so stupid!" This is the first time my hands shake in pointing a gun. It's my fault I should have pushed her harder. I should let her get tired of me and leave. I should not let my little happiness gets in the way.

"It's fine, Rindou. just do it... If I can't have you I don't want to live anymore. I have nowhere to go, you are my home."

I don't understand but a tear fell.

"Goodbye, Y/N" I pulled the trigger. the blood splatter everywhere some went on my face. I knelt down, the tears are now streaming.

"I am a monster, Y/N. You loved a monster."

End