Just This Once (Magnus Chase x Alex Fierro)

Chapter 4: In Which We Get To Look At Alex And Her Messed Up Brain

Hiyaaaa!!!! Another Chapter, hope you people enjoy me dissecting Alex And her extremely messed up brain.

Alex was filled with mixed emotions, she doesn't even know what to do with them anymore. It's a mess of feelings, and at the center of them is the boy called Magnus. Well, most likely the Calculus project they're going to be doing together, or so she keeps telling herself. Thinking about it she can't help but blame him, he was the one who was complaining after all, and if he wasn't too loud then none of this wouldn't have happened. And she knows that he's not going to be much help because he's not a calculus whiz, so yeah, she's feeling a little bit unsatisfied. Oh, how she would love shoving a fist into that adorable face. Wait, adorable? Did she just call Magnus adorable? How is she finding someone's who's as thin as a beanstalk and as oblivious as a blind man adorable? No, she totally did not find his stupid grin adorable, nor did her heart skip a beat every time he flashes her said grin. She definitely could not possi-

Crack!!

The piece of pottery she's been working on cracks. Maybe that's supposed to symbolize my mean demeanor these days. She thought, and how I'm never able to keep it up around him. Whenever she tries, Magnus would say something stupid, or just be his sunshiney little self, and she can't help but slip into a smile. His laughs turn her insides into pudding and make her face feels warm. She glances over to Magnus, whose brows are furrowed in concentration as he tries to shape his pot, and tries to tell herself that he doesn't look cute like that.

Alex blushes at the thought. Shit. she thought. What am I supposed to do? He caught sight of her looking and smiled, making Alex turn even redder.

Alex puts the pottery away, trying to ignore the warm and weird feeling rising up in her stomach. She failed. How do you fall head over heels for someone within a week? She can't believe it, but the butterflies in her stomach tell a different story. As right as the butterflies in her stomach tell her she is, she refuses to fuel the feeling, after all, she doesn't deserve him. She doesn't deserve a kind, caring, funny, and endearing person.

The bell rings, and for once Alex is grateful to get out of art class, to go anywhere without Magnus. Her revelations aside, she needed some time to sort through her priorities and plan what to do next. Thankfully, it's the last class of the day, so she runs to the library. Just then her phone beeps. It's Magnus.

Magnus: Alex, do you want to do the Calculus thing today?

Alex: Actually, I kinda have to study for something, can it wait?

Magnus: I really want to finish it though.

Overenthusiastic, as usual. However, she needs some time alone, to sort out her feelings.

Alex: How bout a little later this evening?

Magnus: Where tho

Alex: Idk, any suggestions?

Magnus: We could go to my place?

Magnus's offering to let her go to his house? Alex wouldn't admit it, but internally she's about to combust, how can she handle such close proximity with Magnus? Like, she doesn't like him (that's what she wants to believe for now, at least), but someone's house is kinda their personal space, and they just got to know each other.

Alex: Are you sure? Your parents wouldn't mind? Besides we just know each other, do YOU not mind?

Magnus: I-

I actually live alone.

Alex: What!!?? Why???

Magnus: ......... My dad and mom died when I was 10, a car accident. I live with my uncle and he's also always away on business trips, so I have the house to myself.

Alex: Oh......

I'm sorry..... I didn't know. :-(

Magnus: It's alright, I shouldn't have burdened you with this, because like you said, we just got to know each other.

Alex: It's ok, I'm sorry I asked, that was... Insensitive. Well, I know it must be hard, so if you need to talk, I'm here.

Alex reread the message again, it's a total opposite of the cold, uncaring identity she has established. She doesn't know why she's going soft with Magnus, but for crying out loud, he lost his parents, the least she could do is offer support. She pressed send. Couple seconds later came Magnus's reply:

Magnus: Thanks, it means a lot. Alright, I'll let you do whatever it is you have to do, how bout we meet in front of the school at 5?

Alex looked at the clock, it's 4:30, that gives her exactly 30 minutes to figure out her feelings about him, she hopes it's enough.

Alex: Ok, cya then.

Alex closed her phone and went back to the big question in her mind. After a thoughtful minute she finally admits that yes, her heart skips a beat whenever Magnus smiles. It does a backflip every time he laughs. And she gets that warm and fuzzy feeling whenever she's with him. Welp shit. She thought. I do like him. Despite her revelation, however, she can't really allow herself to hope, because as she has thought before, she doesn't deserve him. Besides, why would Magnus even like her? She's well aware of her personality, and how it's not exactly sociable. She thinks she doesn't look that bad, but how can Magnus like a genderfluid person? Alex's lucky enough he doesn't seem to shun her, and ever more so that he doesn't tease her about it. It would be next to impossible for them to get together, not to mention he has to like her first for that to happen. But despite that, it's not totally hopeless, they like the same movies, and they hate the same subjects. He also seems pretty accepting of her gender fluidity. So maybe, just maybe, it'll happen.

And they'll be together. Just this once.