The Arrogance of Elegance

Part the Twenty-Third

The next day, we went to town to shop for my nieces and nephews. I knew that they needed some new winter garments, but their parents could not afford them. These would be my presents for them for their birthdays I had missed. Papa gave me permission to use as much money as necessary to buy them their needs.

"The snow is so pretty," Lucy Hannah whispered as she sat on her knees to look out the window. Surely, she had seen snow before, but for some reason, she was taken by it.

"Yeah," Daniel said, following her suit to sit on his knees and look out the window. I looked at him in awe before looking over at Anne for an answer.

"What would you all like to get today?" I asked, looking at Little John.

"I think I want to get a map," he stated with a determined nod. "I want to see how the ocean is mapped out."

"Are you thinking of joining the navy, Little John?" I asked with a laugh. "First, books about ships, and now ocean maps?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said, seeming to puff out his chest. It was bittersweet. It was admirable he wanted to do something like that, but I felt sorry for his mother who would be worried about her boy at sea.

"What would you like, Anne?" I asked, turning to her. "A bonnet?"

"Of course, I would like one," she stated carefully, before looking at her hands. "I feel it wouldn't be useful."

"Look at your bonnet, Anne," I stated, looking up at hers. "It's getting old. You need a new one."

"But—" she started but I shook my head.

"No, let me splurge on you," I stated, looking at Daniel.

"What do you want, Daniel?" I asked as he turned to face me.

"I want a dog," he stated earnestly.

"A dog? Why?" I asked with a laugh. Surely, he was joking.

"I want a friend, and they are good at it," Daniel answered, looking out the window before Lucy Hannah piped in.

"I want a whole bag of candies just for me—not to share—" Lucy Hannah said before huffing. "I always have to share and give my brothers and sister things. I just want something that's mine."

"Sharing is good, Lucy Hannah," Anne said smartly which surprised me. It seemed they still had disputing dispositions with one another over the snow and rain debate.

"Well, I'll find something for you, Lucy," I said, pushing one of her curls behind her ear. "You remind me so much of your mother."

"Mama says I remind of you," Lucy Hannah replied smiling. "I want to be like you, Aunt Delly."

I felt guilt in the bottom of my stomach as I heard those words. Though I was honored my niece chose me as a role model, I found it hard to accept due to my previous mistakes.

"Well, I want you to be like you," I smiled, taking the girl into my arms. "Though we may strive to be like someone or we may naturally have similar traits to someone, we are separate from them and need to be our own person. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I guess," Lucy Hannah said, sitting back down by her seat at the window.

When we reached Taunton, we exited the carriage to first go find a map for John. It seemed over the past few weeks I had known my nephew, he had grown so much and no longer seemed to be Little John anymore. He was now taking after his father and namesake which made it seem only natural to call him John. He was almost eleven after all—he was no longer a child. But I couldn't part from Little John.

Soon enough we found a map to Little John's liking and Daniel found a spyglass that replaced his want of a dog, which saved me the struggle of explaining to him that I couldn't get him a dog. Next, we stopped by a candy shop in which I got everyone their own bag of candy.

"But I wanted to be the only one who got candy," Lucy Hannah pouted as we left the shop.

"Is that nice to your siblings?" I asked looking down at the pouting child. "Don't worry, you will get something of your own... but not if you are pouting like that."  Immediately the child stopped pouting with her face, but I could see it was still in her eyes.

As we rounded the corner to visit the dress shop, I froze. It was Audra. She didn't see me, thank goodness, but it was quite difficult to avoid the fact I would see her due to the fact I needed to get in the dress shop to get things for my nieces. I thought about how wrong I had been, but a peace washed over me before I could fret too much. I then knew I had nothing to worry about it since I had repented and put my trust in Jesus. It was hard, but I knew that He had me covered since I was truly repentant. And I hoped since Audra was more intimate with the Lord than I was, that she would understand and see me as truly sorry.

Boldly, as I could, I entered the store, putting on a brave face. I tried to avoid looking over at Audra as I showed Anne and Lucy Hannah the fabric, but I found my gaze wandering over to her. Right as I did, our eyes met, and my breath hitched in my throat. I looked away, looking for where my nephews had run off to. It seemed they found interest in sitting on a bench outside the store, which was fine with me. I guessed they would be extremely bored by the fabrics and dresses.

"Delly?" Audra's voice cut through my thoughts as I turned to her. I gave a quick prayer that God would give me strength. "I didn't know you were back."

"Yes, I returned two nights ago," I stated, giving her a small smile. "I brought my nieces and nephews over for a month or so."

"That will be exciting," Audra said, looking over at me. "Would you—could I meet them?"

"Of course," I nodded, introducing Audra to my nieces. "The boys are outside, so when we leave I will be sure to introduce you."

"Thank you," Audra said and it was quiet again. Gathering up whatever determination I had within me, I turned to face Audra. But before I could say anything, Audra was speaking again. "I got your letter."

"Good," I said, nodding over and over. "I truly am sorry, Audra. I behaved like a bad friend, and if you do not want to continue being friends, I understand—"

"Delly, I forgive you," Audra said sincerely as she reached out for my hand. I let her take it. I let her words sink in as tears threatened to form in my eyes. It was such a relief to hear her say that. It was like a burden was taken off of my shoulders. But I had been ready to be rejected and I feel that the same burden would've been lifted even so. Because I knew that whether or not Audra forgave me, that my true Friend had. I gave a sigh of relief. Though, I will say Audra's words made me ecstatic.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, Audra," I said, smiling as I squeezed her hand. She returned the gesture and pulled me into a hug.

"You must come over for tea—" Audra said looking at my quiet nieces who stared up at her. "And you must invite your nieces and nephews. What fun we shall have!"

"If you wish it, it shall be done," I said with a small smile, though I was nervous to face her parents. Thank goodness Nicolas wasn't going to be there.