Mr. Dumb-Dumb

The One Night Stand Game

You tried to walk to your desk inconspicuously so no one would notice that you were twenty minutes late and tremendously hungover.

Gina was the first to start giving you trouble. She decided to open with: "Damn y/n. Should I call the new captain so he can fire you now, or you just wanna save it for tomorrow when he can do it in person?"

You didn't respond, and instead just flopped dramatically into your chair across from Amy.

She craned her neck to peer at you around her computer. "I thought you went home right after Rosa and me last night." She said, clearly taking in your Starbucks triple-shot, dark sunglasses, and overall messy appearance.

You winced a little as she spoke, but tried to hide it, "I did, the hell are you talking about?" Your attempt to sound innocent flopping miserably.

She raised an eyebrow "oh please. Are you even going to be able to work today?"

You opened your mouth, a scathing and probably very immature response already prepared. However, it never escaped your lips as you were cut of by Jake rolling over to your desk in his chair.

"Gather round detectives! Gather round!" He propped his feet up on your desk dramatically.

His loud voice felt like it was rattling around in your skull and stabbing your brain with thumb tacks.

Once Rosa and Charles had crowded around your desk, Jake stood up.

"Let's play a game called 'how good was the one night stand y/n had last night" he placed both palms flat on your desk and grinned at you mischievously.

Everyone except you started smirking.

You rolled your eyes and banged your head on the desk lightly.

With your splitting headache the action felt like a knife through the skull though.

You sat up and rubbed your forehead "I didn't have a one-night stand" you said tiredly.

"C'mon" Rosa smirked, "you're wearing the same jeans as yesterday and a men's XL t-shirt"

Amy leaned in to look at your shirt "Merry Christmas fram Cleveland?" She looked up and made eye contact with you "who buys a shirt with that big of a typo on it?"

"Clearly y/l/n has a thing for the dumb ones" Jake said as he sat back down.

"Hey, the dumb ones bone the hardest" you defended, holding a pen at him threateningly.

"Aha! So you admit you had sexy times with a dumb stranger!" He exclaimed.

"That is not- I didn't" you started to protest before giving up "damn you're good Peralta"

You heard Rosa laughing and turned to look at her. "If you like the stupid ones so much, why don't you just sleep with Jake?"

You swiveled back around to give Jake a disgusted look. "Because I have a rule that I don't sleep with guys who exclusively eat cheetos and blue soda"

Jake clapped back with: "and I just have standards". He highfived Boyle, who was standing next to him.

Amy looked at him incredulously "did you hear Rosa call you dumb, or are you just incapable of hearing words that don't feed your ego?"

"Alright, let's be serious about this" Gina said, getting up from her desk, not allowing Jake time to answer Amy.

They all gave her a confused look. She rolled her eyes "the game" she explained in a tone that made it seem like it should have been obvious.

"Let's start with what we know." She began. "I think we've all decided that y/n would be pretty decent in bed"

"8.5" Rosa announced confidently.

"Are we sure we shouldn't bump her up to a 9? I mean there was that guy last year who said she was the best sex he'd ever had" Amy piped up, always the voice of reason.

You smirked cockily when they brought up Corey.

"Yeah, except he was from Jersey and his name was Corey. So that automatically means whatever he says about sex is..." Jake reasoned.

"Jake has a point. Okay so its decided that she's a solid 8 1/2 in bed, now for the fun part" Gina continued.

You groaned and turned to your computer.

"I watched you take at least three shots last night among other things, and this hangover is only equivalent to about one " Rosa said.

Boyle picked it up now, "...yeah, and she hasn't yelled at me for the way my desk smells yet."

"I was getting to that, it smells like a rat drowned in sourdough" you told Boyle.

"You're in a pretty great mood all things considered" Amy finished.

"So, so far we can say Mr. Mystery dumb-dumb was pretty good" Jake decided.

"At least a Seven" Charles said, impressed.

You kept your eyes trained on the computer. "I'm not listening!" You said in a sing song voice.

Jake rolled closer to you in his chair and elbowed you playfully "awe c'mon, you love this game"

"Okay, he's at a Seven now. And  with y/n's 8 1/2 that probably bumps the whole experience up to a solid 8." Gina announced.

"But we're not done with her yet" Charles said playfully, but also weirdly sensual.

"Okay, don't like how you phrased that" You grimaced.
"Yeah and the tone was way off, man" Jake agreed.

Gina snapped her fingers urgently "come onnnn keep it moving, this is way to entertaining"

"If he gave her the shirt it probably went well right? they might meet up again so she can give it back" Amy guessed.

Jake tapped his pen on his lips thoughtfully "Yeah, but the 'merry Christmas fram Cleveland' is hella tacky"

"And not to mention you were crying last night at the bar before me and Amy left" Rosa pointed out.

"What does that have to do with anything?" You asked her threateningly.

"Guy had to be pretty desperate to go for the crying drunk girl" Jake explained.

Boyle continued for him "ooh yeah, and desperate sex is never good. Trust me"

"So bring it up half a point for the shirt, and then take away two for the desperation and tackiness" Rosa concluded matter of factly.

Jake stood again and clapped his hands in finality "6.5 it is! For Mr. Dumb-dumb"

You raised an eyebrow "the best you can come up with is 'Mr. Dumb-dumb?"