Nature and Nurture: Finding the Perfect Blend

Chapter 8: The Confession

"Yes. Now name one or I'll phone your dad, tell him I can't help you and he'll call Scott's mom. Or the hospital. Or your therapist. Your choice."

Stiles groaned loudly, "Jeez, Lydia!"

"Tell me what you can. Push yourself, Stiles. You need to talk. So talk to me."

Stiles didn't know if he could tell her. They'd tried this before and it hadn't gone down well. It hadn't been that long ago either, only a couple of days. But this was Lydia, the most intelligent person he would ever know. The woman who forgave him for being a stalker-like idiot. Who'd become one of the most valued individuals in his life. She was a friend. She was pack. She was his family.

For all that, he focused on his hands while he spoke, unable to watch her reactions. "When I was possessed, I lost periods of time. Couldn't tell what was real and what was dream. Didn't always know what I was doing. Afterwards, I suffered from memory flashes. I remembered everything the Nogitsune did while it was me. Like it actually was me who had done all those horrible things."

"Stiles, that's not at all true."

He held up his hand to cut her off. "I've worked through a lot of that. I still have the memories, but I know what I did and what it did. I know the difference. I just mention it for comparison." He risked a quick glance up at Lydia before dropping his eyes once more. "The worst bit about changing into a Fae is that I'm back to being so confused. I'm confused all the damn time. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm worried I'll loose everything. I'll loose my dad, you, Scott, everyone. I have moments when I can feel how different I am now, and it scares me because it feels so right that I don't know how I lived before without knowing what it was to be Fae." Stiles rubbed his hands over his thighs. "And if it feels like that now, what about when I finish changing or whatever. What if I'm no longer worried about loosing all of you? Am I going to be fine walking away from my life?"

Lydia shook her head. "That would never happen."

Stiles put his hands to his face and scrunched himself up, not able to tell her that he was certain it would because even now there was a part of him that wanted to do just that. And it was growing.

Lydia knelt on the bed and enclosed him in a hug that Stiles could feel in nearly every inch of himself. "I also found out the Nogitsune is influencing me," he said quickly, hiding his face in her shoulder. She froze for a split second. "You don't need to worry. It's gone. But I've been told no one gets out of a possession without changing. I've been infected and will now always be more inclined to," he swallowed, unable to finish saying it.

"Do the wrong things?" Lydia asked, and Stiles nodded. "What lie is that? Did the Fae tell you that? Don't believe it, Stiles!"

"You don't know what I think about, Lyds. What about the other night, huh? I wanted you to be scared of me, I wanted your fear. What the hell is that if not the Nogitsune?"

Lydia shook her head again. "I don't know what it was, not for sure. I was scared until I thought about it, but now I have a theory."

"What?"

"I could be really wrong. Completely mistaken."

"You're never that wrong."

Lydia twisted her lips. "I've done some research on PTSD."

Stiles rolled his eyes. Not everything could be because of that.

"Some sufferers deal with their trauma by putting it onto others. Maybe I was the lucky recipient of your projecting."

Stiles was confounded by her composure. "Even if that's what it was, that doesn't make it okay!" And he didn't believe it. Being a dick to someone didn't normally include sucking on their fear like they were a juice box.