The Psychology of Love

Chapter 35 Perception

And while the old friends tease each other, Dieckmann misses Sam's darkening gaze. He looks deeply thoughtful. A bit frightened. Torn.

"I don't think that's necessary. I don't want any changes.", Sam's serious, low tone interrupts the shallow laughter at the table.

YU, who just now had his nodding smile on, looks at Sam with wide eyes.

And Dieckmann inwardly rebukes himself for losing sight of Sam.

That Bernhard always has to distract him.

He sees Sam's facade and very deep things behind it. A hidden desperation rages inside Sam and Dieckmann can't help but react immediately.

"Sam, I want to show you the restrooms. Can you please accompany me?" asks Dieckmann.

Now Österreich also realizes that something is wrong. He looks at YU, who looks at Sam with wide eyes. His old friend Manfred smiles. But he has known this smile for 45 years. He is worried. Österreich sees that clearly. And he doesn't like it when Manfred is worried. He realizes that he, too, is gripped by anxiety and wonders what he has missed on this Sunday morning.

Sam looks at his German father with questioning eyes.

The latter stands up, indicates with a head movement that Sam should accompany him, puts both hands on YU's shoulders as he walks past him, squeezes soft, shows him his affection with it and walks towards the toilet.

Sam watches Dieckmann and eventually follows him.

Österreich and YU look at each other with wide eyes.

"He seems to want to talk to Sam about something he doesn't want us to hear," Österreich voices his thoughts aloud.

YU nods thoughtfully and manages to put his smile back on.

Meanwhile, Sam shares his apprehension, "Manfred, you're always so flashy. You want to show me the restrooms? Are you serious?"

"Sam, I didn't see any way out of it. The look on your face. Please tell me what's going on? I can see right in your eyes that something is wrong. Worrying you a lot. Talk to me. Hurry up, we can't stay here forever," Dieckmann answers gently.

Sam looks around and starts washing his hands. He can't hold his Dieckmann's gaze. And he can't find the right words either.

"Sam, why don't you want our proposal. YU would make an excellent assistant, wouldn't he?" he asks, seeing Sam's eyebrows draw together in concern.

Still Sam can't put his anxiety into words. He feels an uneasiness rising inside him at the thought of no longer accompanying YU in the sessions.

"Sam, you've always allowed me to stand by your side. Showing your brilliant mind new ways. Talk to me," Dieckmann calmly asks.

"Manfred, if you had experienced YU like this, you couldn't just push him away either. I only wrote you briefly about his condition. But you can't assess the scope of his psychotic episode. I was there," Sam says in a shaky voice, feeling Dieckmann's hand on his shoulder give him caring permission to speak openly.

"Manfred, his mother abused him as a child," Sam's voice breaks. He takes a deep breath and continues speaking, "I don't know in detail what all had happened. But what I do know will be with me in my nightmares. He has deep scars from his sadistic, mentally disturbed mother."

Dieckmann now puts his arm around Sam's shoulder and squeezes him. Silently, he challenges him to continue reporting.

"In his psychotic state, his unconscious instances showed themselves to me. Manfred, I was able to respond to that. He settled down to me accompanying him and bringing him back. I can't stop with the sessions. He needs me. It was my fault that he was caught up in his traumas. When I left him behind, I opened the door for his mother," Sam says in a desperate voice.