Come Find Me | Dramione

Chapter 13: Endless

*TW* domestic abuse, graphic violence, emotional manipulation

The sun was out again. Cracks of early July rays shone through the windows into her kitchen, where the smell of bacon lingered in the air, and the sizzling sound of eggs frying drowned out the sounds of the television in the living room.

It was almost blissful.

Almost.

Except she hated the sun.

Hermione stood in front of the stove, mindlessly pushing around eggs in a pan, thoughts heavy and distant and loud and muted. So many things were happening at once, so many things to think about.

But only one stood out. Only one thought – only one man – crowded every inch, filled every corner of her mind, no matter how hard she tried to distract herself. She couldn't shake him.

It was almost comical, the amount of time she spent thinking about Malfoy after all the years they lived separate lives; after all the years she spent almost forgetting he even existed.

But there he was. His laugh echoed in her ears, the ghost of his stormcloud eyes on her mouth, the aftershock of his skin under her fingers. It all played on an endless loop, repeating over and over, spinning in a constant orbit, driving her insane while simultaneously steadying her nerves.

It shouldn't be possible for one person – this person – to inflict so much emotion in her.

It had been over a month since his birthday – since reality shifted within the walls of his flat. And every day since her heart picked up its pace, her skin crawled with anticipation at the very thought of seeing him. Walking into their shared office was the highlight of her morning, and she had absolutely no idea what it meant.

Guilt followed the anticipation, like clockwork. A recurring pattern of butterflies and self-loathing, ups and downs that made her dizzy.

She was married. She couldn't have bloody butterflies for another man.

She and Malfoy were friends, strictly that. It was normal to be excited to see your friends. It was normal for friends to give birthday presents. It was normal for friends to laugh and smile together.

But friends don't look at one another the way he had looked at her. The way he always looked at her now. Like he was studying her, soaking up everything he could. It made no sense for him to look at her that way.

In its entirety, there was nothing sensical about their friendship. They should loathe each other. There should be more arguments, more snide comments, more rivalry. That's what she had expected.

She certainly hadn't expected this.

She felt unsteady – out of focus. Before now, there had only been one concern in her life: Ron.

Ron was the center of everything, her primary responsibility.

But she was so tired. She tried, and she tried, and she tried, but nothing she ever did was right. She never gave him what he wanted, could never convince him of what he needed.

It was like she was eternally drowning. Water filled her lungs, her vision would blur, and she would fight like hell to break the surface. But every time she caught a glimpse of light, he would drag her back down, so deep that she would grow numb to the suffering, and the cycle would continue.

And while, yes, he would hurt her, at least she knew what to expect. It was always the same.

But Malfoy changed everything.