An Unfortunate Tale

Parties And Cults

I was walking around town, hoping to find where the party is happening. "Man, where the hell is this place?" I said. I then heard some music playing behind me. I turned around, and there it was, the party. "Well, there it is." I said. "Well, let's see what's in here." I said. I went to the front because you needed something to enter in, apparently. There was this skinny dude with glasses in there. It took 3 minutes for him to notice me. He looked at me and was scared from how scary I looked (To him at least). "Oh, sorry, what is your name?" The dude at the front asked. I then smirked. "Guy." I responded. He then looked at his list. "Well, it doesn't look like your on the list." The dude at the front said. I then laughed a bit. "Man I don't know, just come in, get high, get drunk, kill someone, do what you want, I don't care." The dude at the front said. I was then confused. He said I wasn't on the list, but he will let me in any way. "Well, okay then." I said. I then walked in. "Oh, my name is Fred." The dude at the front said. "I don't care." I said. I then went in, and my God, the party looked like every 90s dance club party. I was impressed. "Well, this place looks pretty cool." I said. "Well, time to get wasted." I said. Meanwhile, Kyle, Hickey, and Logan were still in the woods. "Man, the quicker it will take to find this church, the better it will be for all of us, because I need a soda right now." Logan said. "Look man, you'll get your soda later, just wait a bit." Kyle said. "So, how much longer?" Hickey asked. "Well, there is this path that I know about that we could take that will make it quicker." Kyle responded. "Well, that sounds good." Logan said. The three then stopped, because they stumbled upon a tree that is being used as a tiny bridge. "So, do we take this tree and canoe it all the way to the church?" Logan asked. "No, we just cross it, and I don't think you wanna go to the church water." Kyle responded. Logan then stopped moving. "What do you mean?" Logan asked. Kyle then stopped moving. "You see, the water is filled with shit, dead hookers, and more animal bones than you can think of." Kyle responded. Hickey and Logan were then still. "Okay." They both said. All three then crossed the tree, and they were heading to the short path to the church. "Well, here it is." Kyle said. But then Kyle stopped. "Wait, where did it go?" Kyle asked. Kyle then went up to the rock pile. "Oh Goddammit, they hid the path to the church." Kyle said. "Both paths?" Logan asked. "Yes, both paths." Kyle responded. "Great, now I can't visit my dead wife, and now we have to sit here and look at the rocks for the whole night." Kyle said. Hickey then had a bit of rage in him. Hickey then punched a rock, and the entire pile turned into tiny pieces of gravel. Kyle and Logan were then both shocked. "Unbelievable." Kyle said. Kyle was then happier than ever. "Man, thanks for that, and you have strong hands." Kyle said. "Well, I'm not that strong, so I probably just broke every bone in my fucking arm, but I feel fine so far." Hickey said. "Well, let's go to this path." Logan said. The three then continued walking. "What, why is there a tent covering the path?" Kyle asked. "Well, I guess Smokey the bear came here to protect the church." Hickey said. At the party I was at, I was having a fun time. No one knew me, but I had a fun time anyway. "Man, these drinks are delicious." I said. But then someone stared at me. He was staring at me in a pretty intense way. "What the hell does that man have against me." I said in my head. He then walked to me. "Hey." He said. I then stared at him. "What's your name?" I asked. He then smiled for a bit, which made me want to punch his fucking face. "Michael." He responded. I then laughed. "That's a pretty gay name." I said. "What's your's then?" He asked. I then looked to my right, and then looked at him. "Guy." I responded. "He then laughed. "That name is pretty fucking guy, oh wait, gay to me." He said while laughing. I then rolled my eyes. "So, how is life going?" Michael asked. "Good." I responded. "You know, I actually know you." Michael said. I was then confused. "How do you know me?" I asked. He then chuckled. "Someone told me about you, someone you used to know." Michael responded. I then thought for a bit. But then I was shocked. He was the person my girlfriend left for. "Yeah, I know, she cheated on you for me, how does that feel motherfucker." Michael said. Everyone was then looking. I then stared at him, in a way where I wanted to kill him. "I know how it feels, you fucking dunce." I said. Everyone was then shocked. I then went to the balcony to think about everything. "Oh no, the big man is gonna cry, that's too bad." Michael said. He then walked towards me. I thought of grabbing him and throwing him over. "Hey." I said. He then stopped moving. "Come to me." I said. However, I heard him pull out a gun, which is something a pussy like him would do. "Okay, I will." He then said while walking to me. I was ready to grab him, and he was ready to shoot. When he approached my back, it was time. "Bye-bye little wuss." Michael said. I then turned around quickly. However, someone kicked his head and he then fell off the balcony. "What!" I yelled. The person then fell down to where I was, and it was Julia, the person I met back in the hallway in my apartment. "Look who it is." Julia said. "Well, thank the Lord." I said. Meanwhile, the other three were doing random shit. Kyle was sitting down acting like a maniac, Hickey was giving himself facts, and Logan was pretending to play Wii Fit. "You know what, fine, we will all go in." Kyle said. Hickey and Logan then stopped, but Logan looked like he just broken his neck. "Yay." Hickey said quietly. We then entered, but we saw something we did not expect. "The fuck is this?" Hickey asked. Inside was a cult, and a massive orgy was happening. But then out of nowhere, some short-looking dude with red hair came down. "Welcome newcomers to the great cult of the Blue Eagle." The cult leader said. All three then looked to the top and they saw a skeleton dressed up as an eagle. "I guess everyone in here has a shit ton of weed still left to smoke." Hickey said. Kyle and the other two then walked up to the cult leader. "Who are you and what the hell is this?" Kyle asked. "I'm Phineas, and this is my brother Ferb, and this is the great cult of the Blue Eagle, and we are having a giant orgy right now." The cult leader responded. "What does he do?" Hickey asked. "Oh, he is the organiser for special events." Phineas responded. "Hey when was the last time you guys had an orgy..." "Oh, he doesn't really talk, so don't ask him any questions. "Phineas said. "So, what brings you three here?" Phineas asked. Hickey then tapped Kyle, and then Kyle went to Phineas and kneeled to him. "What is he doing?" Logan asked. "I don't know." Hickey responded. Kyle then raised his head up. "I'm Kyle, and these two are Hickey and Logan, and we want to go to the church so we can find my wife's corpse." Kyle said. Everyone then stooped. "You want to go to the church?" Phineas asked. Kyle then looked around, and he didn't know what to say because everyone had a concerned face. "Yeah, I guess." Kyle responded. Phineas then understood what he meant. "Okay then, we all shall help you go to the church, just so you can fuck, oh I mean, do something with your wife's corpse." Phineas said. Kyle was then relieved, and everyone started clapping for some reason. "Oh, thank you." Kyle said. "No problem, in fact, we will always be here for any problem you have, even if it requires us to stop a nuke from heading to us." Phineas said. Kyle was pretty happy. "Well, let's go ahead, then." Hickey said. "Indeed, and no one shall stop us." Phineas said. Everyone was then ready to go, even the people who haven't cum yet. "Oh, I don't think so brother." Said someone hiding in the shadows who was outside the tent and waiting to.. You know what, let's just move on. At the party, I was talking to Julia, and we had a pretty good conversation. "Well, it was nice talking to you, I gotta go now so I can take care of business." I said. "Well, thanks for dropping by, and remember, you can call me whenever you want so you can see me naked." Julia said. I then nodded my head. "Can't wait to touch your milkers." I said. We both laughed. "You are such a charmer." Julia said. "I know, and everyone knows that, except for that one bitch." I said while flames were shooting out from fucking nowhere. I then went to the entrance to leave. But then someone called me out. "Hey tall dude, who invited you here?" Someone asked me. I turned around to see everyone looking at me, but I didn't want to kill everybody, so I just pointed to some dude high on meth sitting on a couch. "This dude did." I responded. Everyone then looked at him. "Joey, for the last fucking time, we told you not to do this shit." The dude who asked me said. Everyone started to beat him up, and I walked out laughing. "Haha, losers." I said. I was now ready to go to my girlfriend's house and kill her.