Trust

First and Second Choices

"No, San - wait!" I pull him back at his wrist, and he stops, again. When I see the beyond irritated expression on his face, I quickly let go. "Sannie." I resist the urge to take his hand, to intertwine our fingers, to run my thumb across the back of his hand and never let go. "I know I screwed up. But I really-"

The sudden loud clacking of high heels on the pavement makes me fall silent. A teacher, judging from the stern look on her face and the briefcase flung over her shoulder, makes her way over to us. Or, more specifically: to San.

"Good morning, San!", she calls, and San immediately straightens up and bows. "Good morning Mrs Park." The obvious relief in his voice feels like a punch to the gut for me.

Mrs Park nods curtly in my direction as if to acknowledge my presence; then, stopping in front of us, she addresses San again: "Can I talk to you for a moment? Did you read my email from yesterday?"

San replies hastily: "Yes, I've got time to talk. But I didn't have the time to read your email yet, unfortunately."

Mrs Park contemplates it for a second. "Alright. Could you come with me then?"

The way San nods instantly and almost trips over his feet in a hurried attempt to get away from me feels even worse than anything that he could've told me about just go back to Jimin - he really doesn't want anything to do with me right now. And when he enters uni together with Mrs Park, leaving me outside, he doesn't look back once.

I stab one of my fries to lift it from my plate. Then I put my fork down again. I don't get it. How did all of this happen? How did it all go so wrong? What can I do now? Should I try apologizing to San again? Or should I rather give him some space?

I can't believe that I didn't worry about how San would take my apology twenty-four hours ago. I mean, sure, I did expect that he wouldn't be thrilled about the part with Jimin. But except for that? I'd been so sure that he'd forgive me immediately once I'd told him that I like him.

Idiotically enough, I was even looking forward to that.

Now I'm not so sure he'll forgive me at all.

"Seriously, what's up with you, Wooyoung? I mean, it's normal to space out during Mrs Yi's monologue or during modern dance - but this is chicken, you know?" Yeosang throws me a concerned look, then points at a chicken wing on my plate. "Was your talk with Jimin that bad?"

I take a quick glance sideways to Yunho who's sitting next to me. He's trying to feed Mingi with his fries, too busy to listen in to us, so I brace myself to answer: "No, not at all - it went really well, actually. We've decided on becoming friends - I mean, I'm not really sure if you can decide things just like that, but... we're getting along, I think... so, yeah." I clear my throat. "I think everything's good now with Jimin." Maybe he has even talked to Yoongi by now.

"Really?" The surprise is evident on Yeosang's face. "That's great! And... where again did you screw up before?"

I wince. Solved or not, I still don't really feel like telling Yeosang about the kiss - or rather, kisses. But... I guess I would have to do it sooner or later anyway. "I've, uh... When I came to him on Friday, to apologize, I also, um... I ki-" I shut up immediately when I notice San and Jongho approaching our table, both holding a plate filled with chicken wings and fries.