Embers We Bury

iv. empty air fresheners

iv. empty air
fresheners | toni

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Reese never visited the basement even at least once.

Her reasons were always a) she doesn't like the pungent smell, b) she's busy or c) she would only feel bad. Sometimes it led me to think that maybe on the day of their fight, she'd thought of murdering Ember while under the influence of drugs, and I haven't stopped thinking about it until Sadie said the same thing.

"You mean you guys lied to the police?"

"Hey, lower your voice!" I said through gritted teeth. She was so stupid. "We just didn't tell them about the fight . . . it'd be risky."

It was a Wednesday, a couple of days after Ember was declared missing. Sadie and I were sitting crossed legs across each other under a big tree in front of the campus, eating soggy egg sandwiches.

"Do you think . . . Reese had something to do with it?"

My eyes widened, stopping myself from taking a bite of my sandwich. "W-Why do you think that?"

"Because it'd add up, wouldn't it? She'd talked about it multiple times. About wanting Ember to disappear."

"She did?" I said, my heart skipping a beat. The pieces of the puzzle seemed to align with eerie precision, forming a disturbing picture

"Yes," she replied while picking something in her teeth. "It was so creepy. I just used to laugh along with her."

What the fuck. What the fuck. I tried to think of something to say that would make Reese seem less suspicious. "She jokes about murdering me sometimes," I admitted, though that was scary to say. "She hasn't though."

Sadie only laughed. "Because she likes you more than she likes Ember; duh. And I'm not saying she murdered Ember. Maybe she just kept her locked up in her closet . . . or something."

I was wanting for Sadie to shut the fuck up or she would piece everything together even before that week finishes. I pretended to laugh. "Why on Earth would she do that?"

She played with her short, red-dyed hair, putting the whole sandwich inside her mouth. "Dunno . . . for the reward money? She's broke as fuck, right?"

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Sadie Finch is both the smartest and the dumbest girl I've ever known;  she had an uncanny ability to unravel mysteries and connect the dots with astonishing speed. Her analytical mind could decipher clues and piece together complex puzzles effortlessly, and yet, she would readily accept the stupidest claims without a hint of skepticism. She could solve a puzzle by only just looking at it but would believe you if you said that the moon is fake. Pretty stupid, but I thought that for her to make such a conclusion about Reese already seemed dangerous enough, so that day, I decided that I should distance myself from her.

"She said that?" Reese asked me. We were outside the hospital, eating oranges on a bench. We just visited her grandmother.

I nodded. "If we kept her around us, she might know . . . things, so it's risky."

"What a bitch," she said. "I never wanted Ember to disappear. Where the fuck did she get that?"

"I don't know. Maybe you said that while high."

"Do you believe her?"

I did not respond. I kept on eating oranges. At that moment, it was easy to make anyone feel or seem suspicious.

"Fuck you, Toni."

"I'm straight."

Reese kicked my feet, and I knew she was no longer mad. A smile tugged on my lips. I missed joking around like that with her. I wished everything would just go back to normal.

"Are we waiting for it to go up?" I asked. My chest felt heavy just asking that. 

Reese nodded. "Yes. If we're lucky, maybe her mother would raise the reward money by tomorrow."

"Thank God."

"I really want this to be over already," she said. She whispered the next things she said but I heard it.

"So I can grieve for her for real, you know . . ."

I wish I'd hugged her that time.

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Ember was starting to smell really, really bad, and the stench of decay was permeating every corner of my kitchen. I've thrown up twice while rewrapping her with lots and lots of layers of cloth. I've almost used up all the air fresheners I have, but those only provided temporary relief as her smell was stubborn. She smelled still. The awful smell clung to the air. For days it had assaulted my nostrils, triggering waves of nausea that threatened to overcome me. 

I was thinking she couldn't stay in my house anymore, but it would be risky if we moved her somewhere else. Plus, it would not be long until the smell would be strong enough to reach even outside, alerting neighbors and authorities alike.

By this time, I was growing angrier and angrier, directed squarely at Reese. It was all her fault. Her idea. Her grandmother. Not mine. Why was I the one who had to suffer? I resented her for forcing this burden upon me, for expecting me to endure the unbearable stench and the ever-increasing risk to my own safety.

I told her about the smell, and that it wouldn't take long until the neighbors would start to smell it too, but she said I was just overreacting and I had to suck it all up. I wanted to hit her face so bad but I just hung up on her and bought a couple more air fresheners from the nearby convenience store, and that was where I met Sadie.

"Hey!" she said with a smile on her face. I hope I'd ignored her, but it was too late. She knew I saw her so I just went to her and greeted her back.

"It's already late. What are you doing out here? That's weird."

She was drinking some smoothie and smiled at me, her brows a bit furrowed. She looked at my plastic bag of air fresheners. "Not as weird as you buying air fresheners. Trying to hide the smell of a rotting corpse?"

The words hit me like a punch to the gut, the shock and horror evident on my face. The weight of her words hung heavy in the air, momentarily paralyzing me with fear. She looked apologetic suddenly; I guess the horror I felt upon what she said was too transparent.

"Hey . . . I was just joking. I'm sorry."

"Fuck yourself, Sadie," I just told her, anger rising in me. "My best friend is still out there, dead, who fucking knows, being hidden, being locked up in someone else's basement. You accusing me of doing that knowing full well I cared for Ember more than you ever would makes me want to throw up in your face."

Sadie didn't look happy with what I said. She looked hurt and surprised and sorry, and there were tears in her eyes. "S-Sorry—"

"Never talk to me again."

I think I cried when I got home. The overwhelming stress, fear, and guilt had finally taken their toll, and I found myself succumbing to the emotional turmoil that had plagued me for days. I was so stressed out with everything, with the whole shit hole I jumped myself into. I wished I had lived a normal life.

Because of Reese, and Ember, and because of a dying old woman I'm not even related with, I had to lose a friend.

I didn't want to keep Ember anymore.

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