Feel my love...

CHAPTER 33

"Oh" he gazes at the rich green dairy for few minutes silently. "Suppose you should wait for a while"

"I can't" I shake my head "Fuck, I know. I'm confusing you. Zaynie, I want you to read and tell me if I'm strong enough to read it now. Or should I wait"

"No" he shakes his head immediately "It's your mum's Liam. How can I read it?"

"Stop it" I tell him "I know she would have loved you. She wouldn't mind, Zayn, please."

"Babe, what if there were stuffs she meant to keep secret?"

"Those secrets are all I have left of her, the words left for me by her" I tell him, my eyes burning with tears the next second. He sighs and pulls me into his lap. I wrap my legs and arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes, distinctly hearing the dairy being opened behind my back. I remain silent as he reads, the silence filled with sound of page flipped over occasionally.

It's scary how I trust Zayn with this, how much I depend on him for everything literally. And it scares me what I will do if we are torn apart. I know he would never break up with me, but what if the same thing with my mum happens with Zayn.

I shake my head to myself. No. None of that. I'm in his arms right now. He is safe.

"You okay?" he questions upon my head shake.

"I'm fine, it's nothing" I say, because it's completely ridiculous. He goes silent at my answer and continues reading. There aren't many entries, I guess. But there are enough to give me another break down.

It's after half an hour that I hear the dairy being snapped closed. He sets it in his bedside drawer and I pull back to look at him. His eyes are glassy and he looks physically pained.

"Yeah?"

"You shouldn't read this dairy" he tells me "Not until I tell you so"

"Hide it away from me" I request "Because I know I will read it if I have it with me"

"Okay" he agrees easily, rubbing circles into my waist. "It's going to be okay, Liam. It's just hard at first, you know that right?"

"It's fresh" I nod "It will get better soon"

"Yeah" he nods back, slipping his hands under my shirt to caress my skin. And I try not to react to his touch, but I can't remember one time my body hadn't reacted to his touch. Even if it's as simple as this one. I lean forward and capture his lips with my own, my hands sneaking into his hair.

I can feel his stubble scratching against my chin and it reminds me of the time when I felt it against my inner thighs. The memory, the feel of the memory has me deepening the kiss by gripping his hair and tilting his face for better access to his lips. I can feel his hand gripping the tattoo and I just love how possessive he is of me.

It gets pretty heated kiss soon and god knows how much I have missed this. He went back to soft-kisses-only rule after I got my eyesight back. It's been weeks since we kissed this deeply. And the feel of him beneath me makes me roll my hips down, desperate for some friction and emit a moan from him.

"Hey" he pulls back to look at me softly. "Are you sure?"

"Could use some lovely distraction" I say with a soft smile. "Besides, I miss you."

"I miss you too" he says, bringing up a hand to caress my cheek. "I just don't want to push you"

I roll my eyes "I want you now, Zayn"

×××××

That has the desired effect. His eyes widens and a soft pinkness blooms in his cheeks. I take his lips again, and grind down against him. He breaths shakily against me, his hands sneaking under my shirt in desperation of more skin. I pull back and pause only to remove my shirt. And go back to kissing him again.