Petal [h.s.]

Chapter 71

"I know you picked me to be your personal social worker, and I know I've done a shit job lately." I began. Eve frowned slightly but didn't say anything. I could see her fidgeting with her fingers as I drew a breath and continued, "I'm going to be... absent for a while."

"Why?"

"Personal issues." I vaguely answered, "I'm going to be for a few weeks and afterwards I'll still be here, but just a few days a week. So I think it might be best if you switched to Lana."

"You... You don't want to be my social worker anymore?" Eve asked warily and my eyes widened as I shook my head, "No, no, that's not it. Of course I do. I think you're great and I think I could help you if I was... in the right headspace. But I'm not."

She slowly nodded, "Okay."

"Lana will take great care of you, I'm sure of it. I want you to get the best help possible, and it's not me right now."

Eve didn't say anything as I patted her shoulder, and we both got up to our feet. I was slightly surprised when she pulled me in for a tight hug, and I froze for a second before I hugged her back.

"I'll see you soon, I promise." I murmured as we pulled back, and she shot me a weak smile.

I hated leaving my kids.

The breath that fell from my lips when I exited the building and headed towards the gate, was a big one. It felt relieving to have everything out in the open with Victor. I no longer felt the need to hide and sneak around. But I also was scared of what the future would bring.

The RSP had always been my safe haven, and now I had fucked it up so bad that I almost got fired. My behaviour here had been awful, and I had missed so much from being so occupied with Harry all the time. I had been in my head for a long time, especially after the basement.

I could hardly remember any of the things I had done here in the past few weeks.

"How'd it go?" Abby was leaning against her car as I approached her in the car park. I shrugged at her question, "As expected. I'm not fired, but on thin ice. He gave me the week off and then I'm on probation."

Abby nodded, "Okay. We can work with that, right?"

"Yeah."

She nudged her head towards the car, "Come on, let's get you home."

***

- Two weeks later -

"Abby..." I sighed as I uncomfortably stood in front of the mirror. I looked away, seeing myself out of the corner of my eye and it was a sight I wanted to avoid.

"No, no!" She retorted, "I read about this, it's the best way to start your healing process. Now, come on, five things you like about your body. Go."

I had been spending two weeks at Abby's house now. Two weeks since I saw Harry at the bar, two weeks since I talked to Louis, two weeks since I went to the RSP and Victor sent me home.

I had spent the two weeks in bed. I allowed emotions to crush me, finally, so I usually spent the time crying, screaming or shaking. My wrists had been left untouched for a while, and Abby was the main reason for that. Anytime my thoughts got that bad, she took it upon herself to distract me to the best of her abilities.

The past two weeks had been hell, but it was something I needed to do. Abby had given me my time and space, and I had moved into the small spare bedroom in her house. I felt comfortable here, with people around me who wanted me to be better, who wanted me to be okay. They wanted me to better on my own terms, and in my own timeline.