honestly idk

idk

A/N . S/O means significant other. I tried to keep it as gender-neutral as possible. Also tiny TW for slight profanity. Enjoy, ig.

I glance over to my S/O, smiling softly as they lay their head on the pillow, closing their eyes. after a few moments, I can hear their breath even out, and they seem to melt against the mattress; asleep. I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. "Well, it's- been a while, hasn't it?" I whisper to the air, glancing around, half expecting to see Bucky or Sam. I sigh quietly, shaking my head a bit. I close my eyes, and after what feels like forever, I fall asleep.

I open my eyes to see a bright tv screen, and I groan, lifting a hand to cover my eyes. "Shit- who turned the tv on.." I mumble, pausing as I hear a soft chuckle. "Well, good morning to you too, sleepyhead." I lift my head a bit, looking up to see sam smiling softly at me. "I- Sam?" He nods, running his fingers through my hair. "It has been a while, you're right." I hesitate, before wrapping my arms around him, clinging tightly to him. "I'm sorry," I whisper, my brows furrowing, and he shakes his head. "It's okay, kiddo. Now brighten up, will ya? Bucky's gonna be comin' in, in a few minutes. We're watching the lion king." I blink slowly, resting my cheek on his shoulder. "Sam.." he tilts his head, "Yeah, sweetheart?" I nuzzle against his neck, closing my eyes. "I don't ever want to wake up," I mumble, and he chuckles. "You gotta wake up eventually, kiddo. What would your partner do without you, hm? They need you." I smile slightly, though it's more of a grimace. "Not as much as I need you and Bucky. I can just stay here, and we'll all be happy. I'm sure they can find someone new."

"Well, I assume they'd be looking for someone like you- or better- neither of which exist, doll." Bucky's voice filled my ears, and I look over, smiling brightly at him. "Hey, Bucky." He sits next to me, nodding slightly, and curling an arm around me. "Hey, love. How are you, hm? People treating you right?" A pause. "They better be." He added quietly. I shrug. "Well uh- I've been better, I've been worse. People are- well, people are okay, I guess. Not the best, but hey. Can't really blame 'em." Bucky nods, and it's quiet for a few moments. "You do have to wake up, though, doll. Not right this moment, but you do. Eventually." I shake my head slightly, my gaze saddening. "But what am I gonna do, then, hm? I'll have to- to face the world. And all on my own, too. I can't do that. I need you guys." I whisper, snuggling closer between Bucky and Sam, who both had an arm around me.

"You'll always need us, kiddo, and we'll always need you," Sam murmurs, resting his cheek on the top of my head. "And we'll always be here, whenever you need a break, but you really do need to live your life- in reality, not dreams. It hurts us, too, when you wake up, but it's okay. You have a life- a good one, whether you realize it or not- a family, friends, a lover." He puts slight emphasis on the word lover, and I involuntarily wince. "You've got a nice job, a nice boss, wonderful coworkers- you got it good, so good, and you don't even know, sweetheart." I shake my head slightly, but I don't say anything to correct him.

Bucky glances to me, and then he grins brightly. "I heard a song, the other day. It made me think of you, doll. and I know I'm not the best singer, but.. I was thinking maybe I could sing it to you. hows that sound, hm?" I pause, before nodding slightly. "Sure.." I whisper, and he stands. "Let me go get my guitar, I'll be right back." And he walks out of the room. I glance over to sam, who smiles. "I heard the song, too. And uh- don't listen to him, he can sing wonderfully." And then Bucky walks back in, holding an acoustic, and he sits beside me. He plucks at the strings for a few seconds, smiling softly. "Alright- uh. Here we go, I guess." He clears his throat and starts to pluck at the strings at a steady rhythm. "I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, you get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger." He starts softly, glancing over to me and Sam, then back to the guitar. "May you never take one single breath for granted, God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed. I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean," And he goes on, singing the rest of the song, and I can feel my throat tightening a bit as tears fill my eyes. I lean back against Sam's chest, and I can feel him playing with my hair, one arm curled around my middle. He hums softly along with the rhythm of the song.

"I love you guys- so, so much."

My eyes open, and I stare up at the ceiling.

"Fuck.."