A Little Warmer - Captain Americas Daughter

Untitled Part 19

She followed behind me as I looked through the window separating the Lab from the med room. I lightly rubbed my stomach where the glass once stung, "I was a child." I shuddered. Running my finger where my blood stained the window sill. The metal trays and tables around me made my heart pound. I wanted to destroy everything, but I didn't want her to see me that way. "Come on I'll show you all of my cells." 

"All of them?"

"I like sunsets." 

She followed, confused. "This is the first one." The bars that held me the few months didn't seem as big now. "I got moved after four months."

I took her to the next cell, "This one was my least favorite." It felt as if my legs might give out, so I shakily sat on the bed.

"Why's that?" She looked around. It was the exact same as the last one had been.

"This is where..." the flashbacks started. Things I could only hope to forget. The way they hurt me in here made me wish I was in any of the torture rooms. Made me miss being electrocuted, shot, stabbed, or even burned. Miss every reminder they gave me that life as I knew it was gone forever. "He... t- t-"

She sat beside me, hugging me, "Honey, I'm so sorry." She sounded genuine. She always does. Is that why I trust her or is it because she reminds me off my mom? 

I didn't say anything, or even move for a long time. Taking a breath, holding it, letting it go. 

She followed me as I walked down the hall. I turned left and then right. This cell was slightly bigger. I liked how quiet she was. "This is where the ghost of the best of me will always lay awake at night."

"How long were you in this one?" 

I shook my head, "I was in that one. But Harvey was in this one." I held my right shoulder in my left hand. I thought of every conversation we ever had. Every time we laughed. "This is where they would leave him bloody and broken. Too far away for me to help him. Watching as he suffered for days." I thought of how he choked on his own blood. Cried on the floor. Barley breathing. I shut my eyes hard, trying not to see him there. "He was strong. He should have made it out alive." I knelt by our tic-tac-toe games scratched into the floor. "He didn't deserve any of this. He was a kid." 

She rubbed my back, "That's the worst part of this. You pretty much all were."

She was right. I hated that. We were all kids. I heard his laugh echoing through my head, "You know how they say when you loose someone the first thing you forget is their voice?" She nodded in return, "That's not wrong. I know the things he said but his voice is never right when I imagine him saying anything. His laugh... his laugh is unforgettable. Thank you." I looked at my feet. "Thank you." I whispered. 

"For what?"

For bringing me here. For listening. For being genuine. For not caring that there were things I did in my past. For being here with me. For helping me realize it's all over. The reasoning flooded my mind, but no words would come out. "Just thank you." 

She nodded, "You have nothing to thank me for, kid."

"I want to show you something. If it's still here." 

She followed me to what would look like a random hallway to anyone else. It was my hallway. I pushed the table, not being anywhere near as cautious as I would have been. I looked around to make sure that no one was here. It was last week this place was swarming with them. I lifted the concrete slab door and grabbed the binder from below, dropping the door. I set the blue binder down on the table, opening it. "What are these?" She read the pages, "These are really good."

"They are things I would tell Bucky. Almost none of them were true but they always made him happy. He liked stories, I didn't like talking about my life. I have all of them memorized." I rubbed my left arm.

"Did something happen? As to why you wouldn't want to talk about your childhood, I mean." 

I nodded, "It was taken. I accepted the fact that even if I got out of here, nothing would be the same."

"This Anabel? Was she real?"

"Yep." I said, popping the p. "She was my best friend before Harvey. And before you ask I'm not going to look for her. I don't want to know if she's dead. How she died. If she got the white picket fence life she's always wanted. I don't want to know."

She raised an eyebrow, "Reason being?"

"Because I still look 15. She isn't going to be seven anymore. I won't know her. It won't be her."

She nodded, "Come see me if you want to. I will probably find her easily."

I won't be asking that. Not anytime soon. "The drawings are some of Bucky's and some of mine."

"They're amazing. This actually looks like Bucky laughing." She smiled.

My face got hot, "He's never seen that one."

She flipped through the other ones, "Would you want to take these back home with us?"

I couldn't help but smile. She actually liked my art. "Can we?"

"Your necklace. It's shaking." She said before I could try to hide it. 

I grabbed it in my hand, "Yeah, it uh, does that sometimes." I really need to see Loki. 

"Where did you get it. Maybe you shouldn't be wearing it. It could hurt you." She grabbed my shoulder concerned. 

Telling her it's from Loki would doubtfully help. King Odin of Asguard had given it to me? Someone might have saw it before I went, plus I hadn't mentioned it. I've been wearing it for as long as I can remember? That sounds like my best option. I looked her in the eyes, about to talk, I couldn't lie to her. I looked down, "It won't hurt me, but that's about all I know." I didn't lie. About all I know. I also know who gave it to me. I told her half of what I knew. That was enough. 

"How do you know it won't hurt you?" She breathed, looking between me and my hand on the necklace.

I unclasped it with my other hand holding it to the side. I closed my eyes and imagined a knife, to her surprise with a green cloud, a knife appeared in my hand. "I can't explain it but it either knows what I want or what I need. It hasn't ever betrayed me, only ever helped." She reached for it, I pulled it away. She raised an eyebrow at me, "It's only ever hurt other people. As if it has a mind of it's own when it fears itself in danger. It trusts me." I thought of all of the blood spilled at the mere prick of this necklace. 

"We should get back, your dad is worried enough."

Is she afraid? "I promise it won't hurt you." I clasped it around my neck, "As long as you don't give it a reason to." It turned back into the pendant. "Bucky always told me my father lived inside the necklace." I half smiled, looking at it, "Said that if Steve couldn't be here to protect me he would always find a way to. I knew it would never be true, but it's fun to think he was... ya'know here to protect me. It was what I always wanted. Just someone that thought I was important enough to protect."

"What about Jonah, Harvey and Bucky?" She warily asked.

I shrugged, "They needed me more than I needed them. I know I care about Bucky, but I've always wondered if maybe I was just who the other two needed me to be. I know it's hard to know who you are when you don't really know the possibilities of who you could be. I dunno. I just wish I would have been someone I thought was worth fighting for."

"Your dad, Bucky, any of us know you are worth fighting for."

"That's not what I'm talking about," I whispered, "you all fight for a world that's biggest problems are caused by the people living on it. The ones who don't give a shit. You don't know any of them, their stories, their lives, yet you fight for them. I'm talking about being worth fighting for myself." 

The face she made seemed like she knew about that all too well, "Until you can find yourself worth fighting for, just know we have your back."

Authors note~ sorry about the short chapter lol. I have bigger Ideas It's just a process setting it up so there are few to no plot holes. Let me know anything you want to see happen! tysm! ~