The Psychology of Love

Chapter 14 Desire

"At that table, Nietzsche and Schopenhauer meet. I have been studying their conception of life and death for some time. I'm looking for answers to questions I've been asking myself since I was a child.
At these times, Kafka's thoughts and works also make me feel understood. His table is right behind it," YU describes his system.

Sam nods silently, admiring YU's depths.

"Yes, and here at this table," YU interrupts himself with a sigh, "Here is the genius thinker who made me spend the entire summer semester break just in my apartment.

At this table.

I devoured his every word.

Day after day.

Fantasized shared conversations.

He mentally accompanied me and made me breathe a sigh of relief."

YU sighs with sparkle in his eyes, reaches for the pitcher and prepares the next round.

Without a cheers speech, just with a quick push, he downs the sake.

He contorts his face and finally grins.

Sam's heart, meanwhile, just beats unrythmically.

He feels a negative excitement rising in him with every word YU says.

A restlessness.

"And guess what, I met him. And every previous highest imagination was eclipsed. He surpasses every imagination.", YU breathes with widened, with admiring, with amorous cat eyes.

And YU's words and the sight of his languishing erupt a sea of flames in Sam.

No shouting of his reason can come against the loud burning of his heart.

YU sees Sam's expression darken.

He ponders what triggered him.

"Sam, are you okay?" asks YU tentatively.

And only earns a scowl.

YU looks at Sam questioningly.

The latter suddenly reaches for the jug and looks for a way to quench himself.

They both drink the sake and YU continues to look at Sam with wide eyes.

"Well tell me, who is your secret love, your spiritual second half?" it growls out of Sam.

YU grins immediately.
He finally dares to think that maybe Sam is jealous.
Just a fleeting thought.
Accompanied by a fleeting tingle in his stomach.

Now he chuckles and decides to go one better.

He slowly leans forward and rests his head on the table. His arms follow him. He hugs the table and rests his cheek on the warm wooden table with his eyes facing Sam.

And smiles.

And sees the color change in Sam's face.

Sam's body burns.

A suffocating sense of loss overwhelms him.

A sad heaviness of heart presses in his body.

He can no longer return Yu's gaze.

He looks away.

"Sam Lin." says YU.

Sam feels called and squints at YU.

"Sam Lin.", he repeats and straightens up again.

Sam sees YU tracing some writing on the table with his fingers. Then he starts stroking the writing with one hand and beckoning Sam to him with the other.