Hot and cold

Chapter 8 - The worst/best night

A few minutes later I sit down on the couch, as Vic descends the stairs and says her goodbyes. I'm officially alone watching TV. I put on some lame movie watching the water from the pouring rain hit the pool outside. I make myself comfortable under the covers, feeling warm and cozy.

"What are you watching?" - I don't even have to look to know that Damiano is walking downstairs.
"I don't even know" - I reply to him flatly. He sits down on the couch next to me, he is also wearing a jumper and some jeans. He looks tired and his left hand is bruised.
Which reminds me, I never said thank you for what he did last night, but at the same time I don't want to bring up that conversation again.

He looks straight at the television, almost ignoring my presence. I'm fine with that honestly.
"We need to talk Coraline" - He says all of the sudden, looking back at me.

"What's up?" - I ask innocently, pretending I don't know what he is talking about.
"Don't play coy Coraline." - He says getting frustrated.
"I'm not." - I adjust myself under the covers, and look at him. Chili is sleeping peacefully on the floor, and I try to focus my attention on her soft breathing in order to calm myself down.
"Why did you drink so much last night? I have never seen you so drunk." - He comments. I roll my eyes.
"Because of you Damiano. That's what you want to hear? I saw you with that blonde chick and I wanted to punch you. But, we don't have anything with each other, so you are fucking free to do as you please." - I explain in a bored way.
He looks at the floor
"So, you were jealous?" - he asks quietly.
"Maybe, but I don't really have a reason for that. We are nothing" - I say the last part swallowing my tears.
He looks back at me
"That's not true"
"Then why were you making out with that bitch?" - I spit
"I don't know, I know this seems dumb to say, but I'm so used to do what I want, with whom I want that I didn't think it would hurt you that much" - He admits rubbing his neck with his hand.
"Yeah, and that's not going to change, so I'm okay now. We just have to stop sleeping with each other and so on" - I explain quickly trying to ignore the pang in my chest.
"Yeah" - He answer flatly, letting me know he doesn't feel anything for me, it was just physical.
I nod and stand up
"Where are you going?" - He asks looking up at me
"Home" - I answer.
I walk upstairs and he doesn't even protest. I walk into my room, and start packing.

I have just realized what's best for me. I should just go back to Portugal, and forget this ever happened. I love Vic, Ethan and Thomas, but I can't be in the same room as Damiano.
I fell for him without even acknowledging it. I cry my eyes out while putting my clothes inside my bag. I sit down on my bed, and cry like I never did before. I thought I came here to be happier, but no. I'm worse here. I can't deal with this.
I fall to the ground just crying, I'm not even making a noise, I feel trapped. Yesterday was overwhelming with Luca. But maybe it was my fault. I drank too much.
I keep crying as a fucking baby.

My head is spinning from all the crying. I stand up, and resume putting my clothes inside my bag. I need to get out of here. I grab my bag and head for the stairs, still crying my eyes out.
I walk downstairs and Damiano looks up quickly frowning while looking at my bag.
Chili runs up to me, almost sensing that I'm not okay.
I have to get out quickly. I pet her very in a rush, and head out to the garden in other to leave. Damiano stands up from the couch, running behind me:
"Coraline, where are you going?" - He asks rushed, while trying to catch up with me, I'm almost at the door. I keep crying. My head is going to explode.
He grabs my arm quickly
"Let me go" - I tell him, I don't even look at him. I can't bear to look at him. I feel embarrassed and stupid for liking him.
"No, Coraline, where are you going?" - He repeats the question, not letting me go.
"PLEASE, let me go" - I shout the first part of the sentence, feeling extremely frustrated.
Why does he care so much?
He sees I'm serious, and lets me go like I know he would. He doesn't care.
I open the door and look back inside the house one last time, looking at him. I can't read his emotions. I shut the door on his face and run, not even knowing where I'm going.