The Truths Behind the Life of Maeve Sun Lively

109

They warned me that it wouldn't be pretty, but I still went. There was so much blood everywhere. I thought that maybe I could have handled it, but barely lifted through halfway of the sheet; I shrieked. I only saw his arm. And that was enough to have sent me shivering. It was burned black to dark red, flesh red where I saw bone. His bone was sticking out.

"Oh shit," I say, my insides gurgling. I double side over suddenly, leaning over the toilet. My eyes water, stings, and the stuff from my stomach comes through my throat.

Anna helps me get cleaned up. I feel dizzy and there's a large headache occupying my head. The lights in the bathroom and the whole hospital is so bright it makes me look pale when I get a look at myself in the mirror. My hair is frizzy and oily, unbrushed and homeless looking. My eye shadows have seen better days. My shirt has a hole in it, and my pants are greased with dirt and now in addition to that, vomit.

I'm so pathetic.

I start crying all over again.

I wonder how long and how much effort it all took, but somehow Anna has gotten me back to the room where everyone was. Klarise.

"I can't go in," I say when we reach the doorway. I can already see the Klarise I didn't recognize, sitting there stone-faced on the bed and staring off into the distance, paying no one and nothing any attention. Then there's Sarah and Jackson sitting by her bedside, trying to get her to talk. She hasn't even said a word since she woke up. It's been two days.

"That's okay. Do you want a cup of tea?" Anna asked, an arm around me to help me stand. Look at me, I can't even stand by myself without falling.

I nodded quickly, turning my back against the door that Klarise is behind on the other side.

She helps me into a waiting area with chairs and tells me that she'll be right back. From there, I sit, trying to concentrate on breathing. There was only one other person in the area, this man with glasses on his phone. He looked up for a moment at me—my disheveled look—and I felt myself feeling suddenly sick and frightened again. His phone was in his hand. He could take a picture of me and sell it for a high price to a gossip page.

I'm starting to lose control of my thoughts when Anna finally comes back with a paper cup steaming of smoke.

"Hey there, you alright?" She sits by my side, putting down the hot paper cup on the floor for a second to stroke my back.

I looked back at where the man sat, and he was back to scrolling through his phone, paying us no attention. Had I imagined him looking at me?

"No." I answer to her, leaning down to pick up the tea. Steam rolls off over my lips, and without even blowing or waiting for it to cool, I dunk it down my mouth.

Anna immediately took the cup away from me, but it was too late. I had already gotten half of the liquid down, my eyes watering with pain and my throat burning.

"Oh my god, what did you do that for?!" Anna is cleaning up the tea that spilled from when she snatched the cup from me.

I start laughing. I don't know what's so funny, but I couldn't seem to stop laughing. Everything was so funny all of a sudden. I feel out of breath as I laugh, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Hey, hey, calm down." Anna's getting up beside me again.

My laughter suddenly turns to sobs, and then I'm crying like somebody died. Well, someone did die. And it's all my fault.

"I need to be alone," I croaked out, standing. I push Anna's gentle hands off of me, pulling myself away from her. Her kindness, I didn't know came from where for someone as disgusting as me, was making me hate myself more.