i'm sorry i haven't been writing i've been feeling like shit
tw//derealization/depersonalization, dissociating, death, kinda blood?
angst yay!!!!!!!
manga spoilers
3rd person pov
i'm alive..
yuugo attempted to catch his breath but it seemed almost impossible when endless tears were falling and his chest ached while he let out choked sobs and cries. they're dead. they're all dead. why- how. no it's not real. it's not real. it's just a dream. i'll wake up tomorrow they'll be by side. lucas will be right next to me like he always is right? please tell me it isn't real please. yuugo vision blurred making it harder to be able to tell what was happening around him or where he was. where am i? what am i doing here? how did i get here? this isn't where i was. i was back there with everyone else. how am i at the bunker? everything went blank and suddenly, it was as if yuugo was a walking corpse. hardly any thoughts were going through his mind anymore and his hearing was muffled other than an awful ringing that he swore almost made him go deaf from how loud it was. he didn't know when he fell asleep, or if he'd simply passed out. the days after were the same till suddenly, he had snapped and he could've sworn he'd almost had a heart attack.
his memory of what had happened was foggy, the faces of those he'd left behind and their gut wrenching screams where all he could remember. it made his heart sink and his head hurt when he tried to shake the memories away. it's not real it's not real it's not real. yuugo repeated those words in his head over and over till it dawned on him that it was in fact real. he'd betrayed them. he left lucas there to die. it was all his fault they all died.
it seemed as if the more time passed and the more he aged, the more painful things got. he'd always heard the phrase "it will get better soon" but it was almost like it was just getting worse. every day was exactly the same, like a broken record. he woke up alone, he ate alone, he went outside alone, he did chores alone, he fell asleep alone. alone. that's what he was. there was nothing left, absolutely nothing.
loneliness is a funny thing. no one is ever truly alone, no matter how much it may seem. loneliness is in your head, it's a feeling. it's simple, that's all there is to it. but for yuugo? loneliness couldn't even describe the way he felt every day, every week, every month, every year. it was worse. it was a feeling that couldn't even be explained.
being alone for so long tends to drive people over the edge. even the most collected and stable person will lose their mind if they were alone for so long. yuugo wasn't really sane from the beginning, no one in his family was considering the things they'd discovered. here he was, scribbling on walls, making tally marks and counting days like a prisoner, tearing up old bed sheets, practically pulling his hair out as a scream erupted from him. he slumped down against the wall with his hands in his hair and knees pulled to his chest, letting out cries and screams for those he'd betrayed so long ago. was it really long ago? how long has it even been? he couldn't remember. not right now at least. this seemed to be a normal occurrence for him. his mind playing tricks on him every day, thinking he'd seen one of them and being filled with rage.
this wasn't going to fix anything. he knew that. but honestly, he didn't care. there was nothing left for him, so why not go ahead and act like it.
//no idea how to end this.
BUT HEY!!!! i missed this sm omg but yeah yay i updated did you miss me 😱 you better tbh/j
hi to the new people yes i do see your notifs to the person who left me 95 notifications all on this book tyvm ur the absolute best/g
