Clock [HaruKyu FF]

Chapter 15

Junkyu POV

My third appointment without Haruto by my side was dreadful and even more on the fourth appointment. I don't know what Dr. Lee did, but it feels like a torture for me. The two hours session went agonizingly slow and the effect still lingers even after I reached home. It's like a venom had been injected to my head.

I don't feel any pain physically but seems like I'm the pain itself. I couldn't swallow my food, even when I managed to swallow them, I throwed up. My dinner went down the drain and I had to replace them with supplements and vitamins from Doyoung that needs to be dissolved with water, otherwise I would throw up again.

I'm not sure which part of tormenting me could help me became normal again. Pushing me towards the edge of my sanity sounds like a bad idea, especially when I can't even handle slightly mild disorder. Or maybe that's how it works? Giving me the worst to overcome the easy one? I don't know.

JeongWoo never leave my side since we arrived at home. Yes, its his turn today to take me to my appointment and also stay at my place for the night in case my nightmare hit me again. He hold my hand as I kept crying on my bed for at least thirty minutes now, for no absolute reasons, or reasons I'm aware of.

My head too foggy for me to stop crying, a lot of 'what ifs' scattered on my mind and I need to solve them one by one. At one point I gave up, I gripped JeongWoo hand tightly and scream. He pulled me closer to his chest.

"Hyung, you want me to call Haruto?" He asked softly. He rubbed my back with circle motion in effort to calm me down.

I shook my head against his chest. The last thing I want is for Haruto to get worried and come back without him resolving his own problem with his dad. Though I really need him now. 

Tomorrow marks two weeks since he left to Japan. He promised to come back before fall semester starts but fall semester already started and there is no sign of him to come back soon. Constant text and call wasn't enough to fill my needs for his presence. Its as if I'm on a diet. I survived but I don't feel full.

"You need him. He's going to be angry at all of us if he found out we hide it from him." He said.

"No.. please.. don't let him know.." I pleaded between my sobs. "Soo-Hyuk Hyung said it would be the last time I feel this way.. please.."

"But Hyung-"

"No JeongWoo-ya.. You know I'm getting better, you know my nightmare getting better.. please.." I cut him off and beg him one more time.

While my awake mind badly craving for Haruto, the hidden part of my brain slowly forgive the mistakes that I made. My unconscious self starting to admit I'm no longer trapped inside a dark tunnel full of regret. Its a long journey to walk out from the tunnel, but I'm getting closer. One step closer each day to reach the end of the tunnel.

I'm able to send some peace to Haruto by having four nights in total without nightmare, which is a huge improvement and I don't want him to think I'm going to regress again just from two terrible sessions.

"Okay. Okay. I won't tell him." JeongWoo retreated. His hand move from my back to my hair.

I feel bad for the boys who take turn in accompanying me on daily basis like I'm some kind of treasured paintings they need to guard 24/7, three shifts a day. Especially Jihoon and JeongWoo who spent more night time with me than the rest. Even though Yoshi live with me, he has too many part time jobs and need proper rest. I refused when he offered to accompany me at night.

They won't listen to me when I said I don't need them during day time since mostly I spent my day inside the studio. So, to ease myself, instead of making them stuck with me inside the house, I spent most of my day at uni with them.