Permanent [H.S. || A.U.] - Book 2 - ON HOLD

Chapter 14

I know that she said that she shut Lindsey down when Lindsey said that I would hold her back. But I think it can be kinda true, in a sense. I mean, I don't want to say that Lindsey is right in any way. Just, Grayson deserves me at my best. Eventually my mental health will put a strain on her and our relationship, whether she wants to believe it or not.

I have to love myself and be somewhat mentally stable so that I can put my all into her and our relationship. I love her so much and I would do anything for her. But half of my energy is being pulled by my anxiety.

I'm willing myself to try and not think about this tonight, though. Tonight Grayson and I are going to a party.

Tonight is Halloween.

I'm not excited about the prospect of there being a lot of people at the party. Janet and Brandon are hosting at their flat, and they have a lot of friends. But Grayson and I took a few shots before we left my flat, so the alcohol in my system is numbing that feeling a bit.

What I am excited about is the fact that Grayson let me choose our costumes.

She really wanted to do a couples costume, and I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't want to as well.

But getting to choose what we went as...wow I was so happy about that for no reason.

I'm dressed up as, scientist, Doctor Erwin Schrödinger and Grayson is dressed up as a cat.

Schrödinger and his cat.

It's so perfect.

I've always wanted to do this costume but never had anyone to be my cat for it.

Apparently when you reach a certain age, Halloween becomes the holiday where you dress slutty with no judgement. So, our costumes got sluttified by Grayson.

I'm feeling a bit self conscious about it. I'm wearing a light grey suit and a bow tie, the bow tie being necessary for a classic Schrödinger look. I'm also wearing my glasses and my hair slicked back haphazardly. Thankfully, my glasses are the right shape for the costume, so I didn't have to get fake ones just for tonight. To make the costume sluttified, I'm not wearing a dress shirt under my open suit jacket. That's where the self conscious part comes in.

I'm used to Grayson seeing my large amount of tattoos and me shirtless, but not anybody else. My butterfly tattoo and swallow tattoos are fully visible, and half of my fern tattoos are peaking out above the waistband of my trousers.

The only reason that I'm okay with being shirtless is because of two reasons. One being that I'm wearing a suit jacket that I can button up and use to cover me up if I start to feel too uncomfortable. The other being that Grayson drilled in my head that I have abs, I guess, and that I'm not chubby like I've gotten so used to thinking that I am.

Also, I've caught Grayson checking me out multiple times since I've put this outfit on. That's a confidence boost.

I've been checking her out a lot as well.

Part of me doesn't like knowing that so many people are going to see my girl wearing as little as she is right now. But I'm trying to not be like that. Nobody will be able to make a move on her tonight anyway, I'm not going to be leaving her side.

She is wearing a black leotard and a cat ear headband. She also drew cat whiskers and a cat nose on her face with eyeliner. The leotard that she is wearing is cut in a way that shows off her ass, that I'm quite fond of, in a way that a good third of her ass is hanging out. Her tits are also perked up by the assistance of some special bra she told me about. My mind is definitely thinking unholy thoughts from seeing her wearing this.