Lost In Your Arms

Epilogue

cw: language

I peeked at the window.

He was there, standing, glowing, and smiling with someone unfamiliar to me. He never saw me and maybe he never knew me, but I always watch him even we're at far. How could I talk to him if I'm here, caged and prohibited to the outside? I always dreamt of running unruly and free again.

Hindi kailanman nawalan ng daan-daang katanungan ang aking isipan.

How does it feel to have friends? How does it feel to be genuinely happy? Too many questions and uncertainties are killing me.

I sat on my bed before holding the new book sister Ally bought. It was very good and helpful since I want to know what does it feel like to be free-out of a suffocating atmosphere.

"He held her waist and start dancing through the crowd..." I read. I felt butterflies in my stomach while looking over that line.

I immediately hid the book behind my pillow when someone knocked at the door.

"Your brother is looking for you, madam..." I heard sister Ally's weary voice.

I sighed.

Agad kong sinuot ang tsinelas na nasa ilalim ng aking kama. I despise him, but I have no choice but to follow his rules in this fortified palace. If I could just punch him in the face, that would be my first happy memory of this place.

"Five minutes!" I shouted. Pumasok ako sa banyo saka mabilisang naligo at nagsipilyo. Agad na akong lumabas habang hawak-hawak ang peras kong galing sa kuwarto. I hate joining them at breakfast that's why I always leave fruits in my room.

"Where were you?" He irritatedly asked. Pasimple akong kumagat sa prutas kong dala bago siya sagutin.

"In my room, saan pa ba 'ko posibleng makapunta?" I answered.

"Hmm, bakit hindi ka nanaman sumabay for breakfast?" Agad na kumulo ang dugo ko nang makita ko ang nag-iisa kong kapatid na babae. She's wearing her usual devilish smile.

I rolled my eyes, "Simple answer, nando'n ka."

"When will you stop being immature? You did this to yourself!-

"No. You two did this!" I glared at them.

Instead of stopping, she proceeded to say things that infuriated me, always. "Admit it, you did it on purpose! Admit it that you're always the jealous kid who killed mom!"

I heard how my brother, Augustin, gasped out of shock.

I counterfeit a smile, "How can you fucking say that? For crying out loud! I can't clearly remember anything and you were not even there, so shut your mouth."

I gripped the pear I was holding before running away from them. That occurrence made every piece of my existence painful and awful. I've never longed for it and no one knew how I survived that accident. I just found myself living this excruciating life.

Alam ko na hindi nila ako matanggap ng buo dahil anak lang ako sa unang asawa ni mama, pero kaunting pangunawa lang naman ang gusto kong makuha sa kanila.

Kahit huwag na ang pagmamahal.

I sat at the window nook and list down all the negative thoughts I have in mind. Kung hindi ko 'to gagawin maiipon lang ang lahat ng sama ng loob na nasa puso't isip ko.

I tilted my head. Anong ginagawa niya do'n? He's freaking dead if some of our guards saw him. It may sounds cliche, I don't believe in love at first sight, yet that's how I felt when I met him for the first time four years ago.

Binuksan ko ang bintana. Akmang sisigawan ko na ito nang lumapit sa kaniya si Augustin. Paulit-ulit na yumuko ang lalaki habang kausap ito, what are they talking about? I'm dead curious!

Out of boredom, I went out to talk to sister Ally. She's my only companion in this freaking Valentine's Fortress-as far as I know, it bases on my stepfather's name.

"Hello, sister!" I hugged her from behind before getting some cookies from the bowl she was holding. Napangisi lang ito habang ipinagpapatuloy ang ginagawa.

"Kumusta?" She asked.

Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ko, "We fought..."

"Hmm, wala namang bago na diyan, hija. Samahan mo na lang ako sa kapilya mamaya." Tinuro nito ang basahan sa gilid.

"I'd love to!" I smiled.

I comfortably sat beside sister Ally while eating the cookies she made. She truly is the best! Everything seems normal until I passed by with Augustin, again. He's wearing the intimidating look I never wanted to see. Akmang lalampasan ko na lang ito dahil ayokong magsayang ng oras nang huminto ito saka ako hinarap.

"W-what?" I asked hesitantly.

Please don't be unfavorable news...

"You're now enabled to go outside-

My eyes widened. Of course, there are reasons behind this. I don't know, but I felt delighted somehow. Kahit na sila man ang lubos na magkakaroon ng benepisyo mula rito, hindi ako papayag na mawalan ng saysay ang bukas na pintuang dumating sa akin.

"Are you serious?" I shouldn't have asked that since I know this man very well-he never joked about something.

"-with the supervision of someone I communicated with..." That finished what he was about to let out.

"Don't tell me..." My brain stopped functioning for a second.

~ Elly