29.04.19
"I'm hoping for the best Sunshine, but anything could have happened to him."
What did that mean? By anything did Ashton mean literally anything, or a range of things that he knew of?
"What do you mean Ash, I don't- will he be okay do you think?"
Summer's voice shook, a state in which her voice now seemed to naturally rest in. Ashton had picked up on the waver, reminding himself to be careful not to upset her with his words.
"I don't want to give you false hope sunshine, Mitchy and his men are terrible and ruthless, but that's not saying that he's definitely in trouble, yeah?"
"Yeah," she whispered in response with a failed attempt to hold back a yawn, suddenly tired from her days events.
First she had discovered her lover's 'secret' journal to find songs, poems, letters, pleads, all dedicated to her.
Summer had found the key to unlock his heart, yet only after it seemed to be too late. She found out the reason for his occasional harsh words, his cold attitude that later turned warm and caring, leaving her confused and hurt.
Ashton told her more of what she needed to know, filling in plenty of gaps. However, it wasn't enough.
Where was Calum? What did Mitchy personally have against her and Calum that meant he targeted them instead of the band as a whole? Why didn't Calum say goodbye?
After sitting in silence that crackled with the electricity of hurt for a few minutes Summer spoke up again.
"Ash?"
"Yeah sunshine?" his words were losing the hope - which provided support - that had been infused with the sentences as he grew more tired, slowly losing grip on holding his best friend up.
"Why do you always try to act like it's going to be okay for us?"
And there it was.
The question that Ashton believed none of his friends would ask, hoping that they would instead simply take his words, his actions, and be grateful for them rather than question it.
"I don't kno- what do you mean?"
"What I mean Ashton, is that you put up something in between yourself and reality and help your friends instead, and it- it can't be healthy," Summer poured her heart into the words, they were short, they were sweet, but the emotions behind them spoke the real truth; worry, care and love all formed together to ask was he okay, did he feel the same ball of weight resting on his chest every second of the days that they spent without Calum.
Ashton couldn't deny it, he could feel his eyes gloss over once he realised that she had noticed his care even if it brought worry to her.
"It doesn't mean, like I'm obviously going to try help you lot, I don't know- it doesn't feel as real when I focus on you," Ashton finally pushed through the barriers blocking him from speaking the truth, something he had hardly come to terms with himself, yet alone shared with someone.
Summer expected it, though it still broke her heart to see Ashton with trembling hands, vulnerable after months of him pretending that it didn't even affect him.
His hands shook in his lap, his eyes darted around the room, and his voice wavered ever so slightly as he confessed.
"Ash..."
The man shook his head for he could feel his throat tightening with the pain everyone recognised when they tried not to cry; he hadn't let himself cry properly over it yet, the occasional tear slipped sure but he hadn't experienced the heart wrenching sobs as Summer did, the sniffles that escaped Luke at the sight of anything to do with their bandmate.
Summer pulled Ashton to her chest, suddenly overcome with guilt for being so wrapped up in her own pain that she hadn't realised how badly it had affected her best friend while she cried to him, lay in bed for days on end, pushed him away as if it was his fault.
He froze before melting into her embrace, craving the comfort he had become so good at giving yet never receiving.
Summer's own throat tightened at the sound of a muffled sob tearing it's way through Ashton, already realising that she could never forgive herself for not noticing how Ashton reacted to Calum being gone.
"It's okay Ash, we'll find him," she whispered into his hair, rubbing small circles into his back the way she was so familiar with him doing, "we'll be alright."
Could they be alright? Was it truly possible for them to be alright when the person who made them whole had left? For Summer it was her romantic soulmate, for Ashton it was platonic.
Perhaps they never realised but soulmates don't have to be tied to one pair. Soulmates thrive on love, they leech off of care and time. The young friends had that love, they had the care but maybe they didn't realise the limited time.
It could return, but the ticking hours could be damaged, never the same, turning days to hours, hours to seconds.
Ashton and Calum were soulmates through the laughter that left them bteatheles, the glances to check upon each other, their care for a girl named after a season.
Summer and Calum were soulmates through the static electricity that flickered late at night, the tears gently brushed away, the giggles lying in a shared bed.
All of this, yet Summer and Ashton still had to seek for comfort and safety in one anothers arms, all because of a man and his petty behaviour.
Because of said man, Ashton was sobbing into Summer's shirt when only earlier that day he was trying to convince himself that he would be fine.
Because of said man, shooting stars no longer brought wishes and hope, they shot holes through the rain.
They sat in that position for what could have been minutes, what could have been hours; they couldn't tell through the broken glass of slowly sinking hearts and shattered hourglasses.
Ashton's sobs had reduced to sniffles, Summer's own silent tears successfully reduced to none without her best friend lying in her arms even noticing.
Another yawn escaped her lips as she shifted positions wearily, Ashton's head immediately snapping upwards.
"You're tired, go to bed Summer, no sleep won't help anything," he spoke as if Summer hadn't been missing out on sleep for months, though she didn't point it out.
She didn't want to, her mind was racing with endless thoughts and possibilities though they were slowing and she was struggling to keep her eyes open.
"I don't wanna move though Ash."
"Stick a movie in and we can stay here for a while so, yeah?" Ashton had already reverted to knowing what would help Summer, except this time he was trying to hold himself together with something that would effectively comfort him at the same time as her.
"Okay," she mumbled sleepily.
Two minutes later the starting credits were beginning and two broken hearts were staring at a screen, desperately trying to hold on, desperately trying to remember something that could help.
short lil chapter for tonight, made me sad ngl I just love Ashton sm <33
that being said, stay safe, wear a mask and wash your hands
- becca <3
YOU ARE READING
lover ☆ cth
Fanfiction"I promise you this darling, we can always have each other whenever we need each other, and nothing can come between that." In which he disappears, leaving his lover behind. "Should you wish for something if you don't truly want it?"
