RED | nyukyu ✓

twenty

after a while, chanhee left as well, his mind still a mess as he walked to the choir room. as per usual, it was empty and chanhee lowered his mask as he took off the red rose pin on his jacket and stared at it.

trying to piece his thoughts together took far longer than chanhee desired and once more, he resented the fact that humans were so feeling rather than anything else. he didn't even understand what he was feeling about changmin suddenly disappearing for ten days — did he feel resentment? sadness? anger? disappointment? he didn't have the slightest clue about what he felt and that infuriated him.

turning the pin around and around in his fingers, chanhee simply sat on the floor in the choir room.

'enjoy your time'.

he didn't understand what his professor meant by that. frankly, it just sounded like his professor wanted to distract him from submitting anymore assignments.

as time ticked on with him still so uncertain, he finally, with a sigh, stood up and fixed his mask, walking straight towards one place.

he didn't like leaving things unresolved. in fact, he absolutely hated not knowing why people acted as such. so, mustering up all his courage, he slid the doors open to the room he knew he would be in. "ji changmin, let's talk."

thankfully, changmin was the only person in the dance room because if not, chanhee would have had a meltdown the second he said such things. changmin turned off his music and chanhee noticed that something was off about him as he walked slowly towards the slightly older boy and refused to make eye contact with him.

"what do you want to say?" changmin asked.

chanhee had often associated changmin with happiness since everything about the boy just seemed so perfectly pure and sweet that in some ways, it intimidated chanhee. but seeing changmin now felt so different to him that it scared him even more.

for starters, he wasn't smiling, wasn't even trying to and that in itself was enough to send signals to chanhee that something went wrong. another thing was the way he spoke, so emotionless that chanhee wondered if he was staring at a reflection of himself. and lastly was how he was trembling, as if his legs would give up on him at any moment, all the energy and life seemingly sucked out of him.

chanhee had gone there searching for an answer as to why he suddenly deleted himself from his life but upon seeing the state changmin was in, an odd compulsion to embrace him took over chanhee's thoughts and logical reasoning as he wrapped his arms around changmin who didn't bother inching away from him.

"are you okay?" chanhee asked, stopping himself from making any sort of sarcastic remark. silence. he was met with nothing but silence. "do you need to sit down-"

"c-chanhee...why are you here?" changmin asked, his voice so fragile that chanhee felt as though he were treading on thin ice, trying his best to prevent the ice from cracking and sending him into a watery death. "i thought...i thought you didn't like me."

"well, i don't hate you either so of course i'd be concerned when you don't bother me with your antics for ten days-"

"you were counting...?" chanhee mentally slapped himself but when he heard a gentle laugh from changmin, he didn't feel that embarrassed anymore. "i-i'm a bit tired so i want to sit down but...can you still be here with me?"

every single thing in chanhee's body was screaming at him to say no, to snap out of whatever he was feeling and to stop offering such kindness that was beyond his means to give.

and yet, chanhee had agreed, the pair sitting down on the floor with changmin laying down on chanhee's lap. from the mirrors that lined the room, chanhee could see that changmin had closed his eyes, holding tightly onto his own hand. slowly, chanhee covered changmin's hands with his, taking in the coldness of changmin's hands against his warmer ones.

"if you keep doing these things, i'll never get over you chanhee," changmin muttered, already half-asleep as he spoke.

"then don't," chanhee replied, failing to catch himself before he spoke. changmin shifted slightly, now looking up at chanhee but still holding onto chanhee's hand. "what i mean to say is that i uh..."

what did he mean to say? he started speaking without thinking and he felt like an utter fool as changmin waited for his explanation.

"it's okay...you don't need to-"

"i got sad when you weren't around. i don't know if it was sadness or anger or disappointment but i definitely felt something when i didn't see or hear you for the past ten days. maybe i've grown so used to your presence that when you aren't around, i can't help but feel lonely. i'm being selfish right now since you're trying to get over me but i'm here bothering you so it's nearly impossible to do that but-" changmin raised himself up and wrapped his arms around chanhee, burying his face in his neck and taking chanhee by surprise.

"you talk a lot," changmin stated, chanhee finally reacting by hugging the boy back. "i like you a lot choi chanhee," changmin whispered and this time, upon hearing his words, chanhee no longer felt such a strong compulsion to accuse him or to push him away.

instead he nodded, acknowledging his feelings but not missing the way that his own heart had began to beat faster because of ji changmin's words.

ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗

author's note:

how are yall feeling about this!

and, remember to stay safe and healthy loves <33