In Command (#1 Post-Order 66 Series)

In Command - Part 14

Quietly, Senna turned and exited the room, letting the door shut behind her.

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Tears pricked at the corners of Senna's eyes as she made her way upstairs, trying to steady her breathing. It was almost over, and that was probably for the best, but this was going to hurt. It already did.

How could she and Rex possibly work though? What, were they going to be, the star-crossed lovers of the rebellion? She almost laughed at the thought. Ridiculous. There was a time and a place for love stories, and it wasn't in the middle of a war. But I've been in a war my entire adult life. The realization that perhaps she'd never be able to pursue these feelings was crushing. Senna had never planned to have a someone in her life romantically as a Jedi, and that had been fine before she'd understood what that meant. Sure, she'd had crushes on people at the Jedi academy, but they'd been nothing but silly infatuations that she'd been able to brush aside. She had looked for such a feeling after Order 66, but had never found anything that met her expectations, and ultimately had given up. And then she'd met Rex, and now everything was tilted on its axis and the ground beneath her feet felt unsteady.

Senna sat at her desk and slowly let her eyes drift to the carved wooden box on the edge of her desk. Taking it in her hands, she traced the carvings with her fingers. Opening the clasp for the first time in over a year, she held her breath as she slowly opened the lid. The sunlight sparkled as it hit the hilt of her lightsaber, and her breath caught in her throat. The last time I held this was the last time I truly felt I knew who I was. I feel so lost now. I have no idea who I am. I just know that I want the Empire to be gone. What a sad way to exist.

She let her fingers trace over the cool metal of the hilt, and the memories of the first time she'd ignited it crept into her mind. She felt the Force flow through her, reaching out towards her weapon, and her fingers itched to feel it in her palm again. Senna allowed her fingers to creep around the hilt, grasping it in her palm, and just as she went to lift it out of the box, the memory of Kashyyyk intruded into her mind. The smells from her nightmare filled her nostrils and the way she'd pled with her men to stop shooting echoed in her ears. She'd tried to deflect as many blaster bolts away from them as she could before realizing it was a lost cause and turning to run. She remembered the screams as she sent a few of the blasts back to their origins, burning through the clones' armor as she ran. Her pulse quickened and her breathing became more strained as she quickly pulled her hand away, snapping the box closed. Not yet.

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Senna slipped her arm through Rex's as they stepped out into the cool night air. They could already hear laughter coming from Zea and Brak's dwelling as they made their way over and were greeted at the door by Zea. Her face was gracious as always, but a tension lurked behind her eyes. Senna released Rex's arm and nodded at him to go on in without her, pulling Zea aside.

"Everything alright?" she whispered.

Zea nodded hurriedly. "Yes, yes. It's just...Brak was inviting some of his colleagues over, and apparently Commander Fisk was within earshot, and he essentially invited himself as well, so he's here, and I'm just struggling with that. He's been an absolute menace since he returned from his conference, and it's made life difficult for Brak. He was apparently involved in the incident that took place there."

Senna struggled to keep her breathing even despite the fact that she could hear her blood pounding in her ears. "Oh? How awful. Is he alright?"

"He's fairly banged up, but more than that, he's just been in a very foul mood, and it's making everything a bit tense. Almost all of the people here report to him, so everyone's walking on eggshells."