Crimson and Clover

No Paths Are Bound - Part 1

"Jun Wu fought White No-Face. I saw it with my own eyes." Even blinded by loss and grief he wouldn't have mistaken one person for two. "He defeated him."

"What if it was simply his clone?"

Xie Lian groans and rubs his face. There are too many questions and not enough answers, and he doesn't even know where to start looking for them.

"Gege," San Lang speaks when Xie Lian doesn't. "I know you'd been fond of him in the past, but he took that bloody sword, nailed you to the floor with it while those useless fucks watched, and laughed as you screamed in panic."

"I know," he whispers, mind supplying him with flashes of memories he refuses to dwell on. They haven't been so vivid in a long while and he wishes they would remain so. Or that they were gone. That would be best. "I don't know why he acted like that."

"If he's Bai WuXiang, then there's no dilemma. And if he's Bai WuXiang, I won't rest until he's gone. I'll scour the world for his ashes and I'll destroy them so thoroughly not even a memory of his name remains."

Xie Lian can only hug him tighter. Worry fills his heart, and dread for what's to come if their assumptions prove true. He didn't defeat that nightmare in white clothes at the height of his divine power, and now? Now he's only a ghost with one follower. He wouldn't be able to stand his ground for so much as it takes for one incense stick to burn.

"If he's Bai WuXiang, promise me you won't go after him," he hears himself say before that thought even registers in his mind. San Lang freezes; then, all of a sudden, he clings to Xie Lian like he never did before. "I can't... I won't bear it if something happens to you."

"Gege..."

"Promise me." Xie Lian takes his face into his hands and pulls him away just enough to look into his eye. "Promise me you won't do anything reckless."

San Lang only sighs. Xie Lian knows what resignation sounds like better than anyone – he hears it now from his husband. Of course he would immediately start planning to avenge Xie Lian. He wouldn't be himself if he hadn't. And Xie Lian wouldn't be himself if he let him endanger himself for no reason. San Lang already died twice for Xie Lian's mistakes and there is no repeating it ever again.

"Don't ask that of me, gege." San Lang's grip once more turns tight, desperate; just like his voice. "Please. I won't stand idle if something happens to you. I won't let anything happen to you in the first place."

"San Lang..."

"I asked you to let me protect you," he cuts in, gently but with lots of emotions bubbling just under the surface of his composed demeanour. "Don't take it away from me. Please. Let me support you."

Xie Lian kisses every place he can reach – the top of San Lang's head and his ears, the hand he grabs and pulls up to his lips. "Don't you realise how terrified I am that something will happen to you? Isn't standing side by side with me enough?" It's difficult to put his feelings into words. He would rather show San Lang through actions instead, but for now declarations will have to do. He's hoping against hope it won't come to anything else. "You are my husband. My equal. Won't you support me by making sure you're still with me at the end of the day?"

San Lang makes a choked up sound, unintelligible from pressing his face into the side of Xie Lian's neck. Then, suddenly, his lips are on Xie Lian's, fire and desperation burning bright and high in his every move. Xie Lian matches it in kind as the last vestiges of panic slowly die. A surge of fondness overcomes them, steady and warm and there as if he's always carried it with him. There is no coming back to the way things were before San Lang—to the cold loneliness and endless bleak days without anyone to talk to. There's no giving up on the abundance of love and support San Lang showers him with.