Guarded (Sugawara x OC)

Chapter 28

"I mean, my life right now is so hectic, I don't know how I'll fit in the time."

"Oh, I think you'll make it work. You've always been such a hard worker."

"Oh come on Suga, I'm so bored!" Not quite in the mood to banter anymore, Machi tried pleading, "I need to do something besides sit on my ass in this room all day. Please can I come watch your games this week?"

The movie started playing in the background, but neither of them were paying attention. Sighing, Suga closed his eyes briefly. He knew this question would pop up at some point, and while he would love to see her there on the sidelines, decked out in glitter paint once again, he couldn't bring himself to agree. The number of times he'd seen someone diving across the edge line and over benches to catch a stray shot made him too nervous that she'd be bowled over by them. "That's not my decision, love, it's on the doc-"

"I know, I know, doctor's orders." Machi groaned, "But maybe you could ask for an exception? Just this once? I promise I'll be good, I'll even leave the glitter at home."

The desperate hope in her eyes made Suga's heart sink with guilt. He couldn't imagine how bored she really must be. To be forced to stay in the same room in the same bed with nothing to do and no one to talk to for a majority of the day; the loneliness must be suffocating. "We'll see, sunshine." He nudged her arm softly and tried to get her to smile, all the while feeling guiltier by the minute, "Come on, eat your soup, before it gets cold."

***

"H-Hey, Suga?"

The miso soup was gone, their bowls cleaned and placed on the side table. Machi had curled as comfortably as she could into Suga's side while still keeping her knee propped. The lights had slowly dimmed with the setting sun until only the soft orange glow of the bedside lamps illuminated the room. Their movie marathon had progressed to Treasure Planet, but Machi's attention had strayed away halfway through. She didn't even know what she was doing until she heard her own voice whispering his name, hand suddenly clenching his shirt anxiously.

"Mmm?" Suga turned his head to the side slowly to catch a peak at Machi. Something sounded a bit off in her voice and he tried not to jump to conclusions. "Something wrong? Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine. I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately..."

"I can imagine."

"Hush, you, I'm serious." She laughed nervously, playfully smacking his arm. But the small crack in her voice made Suga instantly more alert and he turned a bit to help them both sit up straighter.

"So you've been thinking," he urged, still unsure where this could be headed.

"Y-Yeah, um..." Shit, this was harder than she thought it would be. Machi took a few deep breaths until she felt like she could continue without hesitating, "I think I want to take a break from taekwondo. I mean, after I get better, that is. And I'm going to skip out on the next olympic trials. Maybe just some regular training for a while." Finally, those nagging thoughts that had wedged themselves into the corner of her mind pushed their way forward and she felt like she could breathe again. It stung a bit, to form those words, like acid on her tongue, but once they had been voiced, she was more than a little surprised at the feeling they left behind: peace. No guilt or disappointment in her "failure;" for once in what could only be years, Machi truly felt at peace.

"That's a big decision, what brought it on?" Suga was trying so hard to hold back his smile; he didn't want to celebrate too early, if this was a choice she had made for the wrong reasons.

"It wasn't my dream. Or, maybe it was at first," Machi ducked her head and ran her nervous fingers over the soft plush of the blankets, "but it got lost along the way. I love taekwondo, but not like this." Memories of the grueling training sessions flashed in her mind, making her flinch. "I want to train the right way, without the pressure." Without his antagonizing presence, questioning her every move. Without the fear of performing anything less than perfect, without the punishments that would always come when she didn't meet his standards. It wasn't right, and Machi knew that now; or maybe she'd always known but didn't want to believe it. Either way, Machi also knew it was time to leave it behind. And start fresh. "What do you think? I know it's giving up a lot, but—"