Song Remains the Same

Chapter 87: Worst Case Scenario

"The past is dead, the life I had is gone."
- RED

In the dim bedroom, lingerie-clad Daphne Allen had just sat across Emmanuel's lap while facing him. It was then that she gently initiated a soft, cautious kiss onto his lips. Her hands trailed across his shoulders then one gently snuck into the hair at the back of his head as her warm breath fanned out across his mouth. Her lips softly pressed against his once, twice, three times in soft, careful kisses, then parted open to deepen the kiss tentatively.

Emmanuel felt himself responding more and more to her touches and embrace... but responding negatively. Her kisses felt alien, out of place, and wrong. He sat there stiffly, unsure of what to do, because perhaps he owed this to her after intruding on her life. But the second she tried to deepen the kiss, he couldn't let it continue. He reacted from a gut instinct that said this is not right and abruptly pulled away, grabbing her wrists to stop her from touching him. He breathlessly stared, his heart racing in panic and dismay. She looked surprised and hurt when he rejected her kiss. Swallowing through a dry mouth and throat, Emmanuel stumbled verbally. "Daphne, no—I, I can't." He was confused and alarmed and his every instinct told him no—no—NO. The silence was deafening and awkward. Emmanuel felt very put on the spot, very vulnerable, and very upset. When Daphne said nothing and just stared with a hurt expression on her face, he had to fill the silence. "I—I'm sorry, this feels very wrong to me," he said, voice wavering because of his sickeningly thundering heart.

Daphne was shrinking back from him, her eyes showing disappointment and embarrassment. "Do you not... am I not good enough?" she asked in a self-conscious whisper.

She had been so kind and welcoming to him, so accommodating—which was why he felt guilty for telling her no. He almost reconsidered out of mere politeness, but he couldn't because the thought of kissing her or being physically intimate with her beyond that was repulsive. But he was semi ashamed of himself for his negative reaction. Was something wrong with him? Or was it something else? And it wasn't because she wasn't attractive. He recognized that she was physically alluring to some extent, but he didn't connect with that or feel allured to her at all. Perhaps he was gay, he thought. Or asexual. Or something else altogether. All he knew was that he did not want this. "Y-you're very beautiful," he assured quickly, flustered and trying to blame himself for the problem at hand, "But... I'm... I'm just not comfortable with this."

Daphne hesitated then nodded stiffly, her face betraying her wounded feelings. She got up off of him and grabbed a robe that was hanging off the end of the bed, putting it on. She was looking down the entire time, upset to the point of getting teary-eyed. "I thought..." she started, then shook her head. Her voice lowered to an ashamed whisper. "I'm sorry."

Feeling so bad—he did care about her, this woman who had cared for him out of the goodness of her own heart—Emmanuel stood slowly, hesitant to approach. He didn't like to see her sad, but at the same time, he thought if he tried to comfort her, she might misinterpret things. So he just stood there, unsure of what to do and hyper-aware of how tension-filled the silence was. He looked down, feeling embarrassed and confused and unsure of what he should say, if anything.

...He was bothered by this, he did know that much. He had known for some time of her attraction to him... it had been obvious in how she always found excuses to touch him or hold his hand, how she was always looking at him with burning, longing eyes. But... shouldn't they wait longer and see if his memory returned? Shouldn't he want what she wanted too? He hadn't ever given her reason to think he wanted her in the same way and he'd hoped perhaps if he ignored and sidestepped her attraction to him, she would let go of it and forget it. But it seemed that the more time passed, the more Daphne longed for him.