Song Remains the Same

Chapter 14: It's a Terrible Life

Dean gave her a disappointed look. "Fighting? Again? Why didn't you tell me that like six days ago when it happened?"

Alex shrugged again guiltily. "Didn't wanna upset you while you were still recovering."

"Oh come on, I'm fine," he said, glaring at the insinuation that he was too weak to handle some bad news.

"Internal bleeding and severe head trauma aren't fine," Alex retorted, receiving a dirty look. She swallowed apprehensively. "But, since you are mostly recovered... there is something else I need to tell you." Dean got a suspicious look on his face at the tone of her voice and Alex let out a big breath, wishing she could save Dean the oncoming confusion and pain. "Ruby's knife. It didn't work on Alastair. Didn't affect him at all."

Alex could see the wheels of Dean's puzzled mind turning. He knew Alastair was dead, but they hadn't exactly told him the details. "Then how..." He trailed off, and then his expression went cold in understanding. "Not Sam...?"

"Yeah," Alex confirmed, her voice full of the sadness and confusion she felt. "Sam."

"But—but he could barely exorcise Samhain a couple of months ago," Dean protested.

"I know." There was bitterness in Alex's mouth. "I don't know how he did it. All I know is I saw him do it. He did it so easily too, Dean. Like it was a walk in the freaking park. Like he's been... practicing, or... I dunno."

"So there's something he is not telling us," Dean surmised grimly.

"I get the feeling there's a lot of things he's not telling us." There was a sad, heavy silence, and Dean, suddenly tired and haggard, rubbed his forehead.

"You shouldn't have let him go by himself up there with Bobby. Dammit, Alex. He could have finished with the job days ago for all we know, and be with Ruby, or... who knows?" His sadness was escalating into anger. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Look at the monitor. Your blood pressure just went up like ten points." Despite being reasonable, she was still getting a look of annoyance from her brother. "I did call Bobby after Sam called today. To make sure Sam was telling the truth. To make sure he'd actually been with Bobby the whole time." Now she had Dean's attention. "Bobby confirmed."

Dean looked mildly corrected then shook his head vaguely. "Sad that we're at a place where we have to do that crap." He glanced around the room unhappily. "When we get out of here... I'm halfway tempted to go to Timbuktu. Where Ruby can't get to Sam and where the damn angels can't get you or me. Surround ourselves with hex bags, good beer, cheap burgers... watch the world go to shit and stop worrying about it being our fault." Alex said nothing and watched her brother with thorough understanding of what he was feeling. "I'm tired of it," he said, growing quiet. "All of it. I just want..." He trailed off, his expression strange and lost. "I dunno what I want." He looked down into his lap and Alex could see how burdened he felt. He shook his head. "Just not this."

Three Weeks Later

Alex Remington woke up to her cell phone alarm ringing as it usually did at six a.m. She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and pushed off into another day. She spent the first few minutes of her morning meditating and practicing yoga as she did every day. After showering and drying her hair, she paged through her closet, picking a pencil skirt, cherry red flats, and a gray cardigan to wear over a pressed white blouse. She applied her makeup—foundation, mascara, eyeliner, gloss—then combed serum into her hair and straight ironed it, sweeping it into a low ponytail and then completing the look with a thin headband. She checked herself over in the mirror, satisfied that she looked polished and professional as usual. Still, something looked off and she couldn't figure out what it was. She felt a faint sense of frustration and distaste but couldn't figure out why. Chalking it up to fatigue, she went to the kitchen of her apartment and made a cup of tea and some whole-grain toast then paired those with an organic banana. While eating, she did research for her paper that was due on Thursday, and then it was time to leave for work.