if one of them is dead.

chapter forty-three.

Lilith.

"The war is coming, and we know it," I say. "You're just as in the middle of it as Harry Potter is."

"And you aren't?" Mattheo asks. "Lil, I don't want to lose you. Not in this time. Never in a time like this. Don't you understand that?"

"Of course I understand it," I say, my voice softening as I grab his face gently. "You think I don't feel the same way? I don't want to lose you either. You're the only person that I've ever loved this much."

He puts his hands on my waist. "I already lost you once, don't you know that? I'll protect you with my entire life. My father will have to kill me before he ever touches you."

"Oh, Mattheo, things never work out when we promise to protect each other with our lives."

"Then don't promise it."

I smile. "You know I can't do that."

Dumbledore is going to be killed next week. Voldemort told Mattheo, who told me, who already knew because Draco was freaking out and knew he could talk to me about it. He came into Mattheo's room the not even a month ago, grabbing me by the wrist to drag me to his room. I thought he was going to tear his hair out right there, but he didn't. He was about to start crying. And Mattheo was confused, but I told him he had to wait. If Draco was about to break down on Mattheo's dorm room floor, something was wrong.

When we got to his dorm he had locked the door and started pacing, running his hands through his hair frantically. He was going crazy, and I didn't blame him. He was explaining it all to me. And I think he didn't stop talking for like five or ten minutes. I lost count. But if he stopped talking, I don't think he could have finished it. After that, he broke down on the ground and started crying. LIke really crying. I've never seen him cry that hard.

I had hugged him, and we had sat there for two hours until Mattheo came knocking on the door with the other two.

But now, we're both trying not to freak out. Because when Dumbledore gets killed, and that mark goes up into the clouds, we're basically declaring war. Mattheo and I will have to leave with Draco and the others, including my father. From there it was all going to go down hill.

The three of us have been jumpy since we all found out. We try to cover it up, but people can tell. But they're focused on more things than why Mattheo, Draco, and I are all jumpy. The war is coming soon, and everyone knows it. But no one wants to admit it. And that's the problem, isn't it?

And war means sacrifice, but I won't sacrifice my friends. Never them. Never my father. Never Mattheo. I would sacrifice myself before I ever did them. And they know that, and none of them like it. But they know that they can't do anything about it.

"I'm going to make you promise me something. Even if you can't go through with it. This is the one time that I won't be mad at you if you break a promise," he says. "I want you to promise me that you won't die on me here. Ever. You're not dying first."

I laugh and shake my head, hugging him. I don't want to let him go. Ever. And we aren't even in the war yet. "Funny, Mattheo. You're going to be the one that outlives me. Got it? You've already gone through me dying once—"

"Which is why I can't go through that again."

"Then, if I die, I'm taking you down with me."

"And if I die, I'm taking you with me," he says, squeezing me tighter. "I love you, Lilith. Don't ever forget that," he whispers into my hair.

"I love you, you asshole," I mumble and pull away from him. We both look at each other for a moment before we both place our lips on the other's.

And, in this moment, I know for sure that he is mine and I am his. And I'm never letting him go.

Sappy bitches.