*When you realize that everyone you know has perfect teeth and you have like a half a centimeter gap in between your two front teeth (it doesn't sound that bad but it looks really weird compared to other people's) and you are suddenly very self-conscious about it and don't really smile with your mouth open for a while*
*When you, Ian, and your parents are kind of talking about how there can be multiple truths to different people and your brother gets kind of frustrated and you use the analogy of one of those math problems were you have to choose 2 numbers to do something to and different people are gonna pick different numbers and get different answers. They are all still correct and valid, but all different* (sorry , don't really want to have to type out "older brother" all the time so I'm gonna use his name, "Ian")
*When you are honestly thinking about coming out to Ian but you don't know what his reaction would be and you know that he is an ally, he supports LGBTQ but than also he has said that girls in his grade have said they were bi just as a trend or to get some more attention and might think that you are like that even though he would probably just understand and support you*
*When you find a book called "Love & Luck" by Jenna Evans Welch, which is about a girl named Addie (so close to Abbie) and her older brother named IAN!!! and in the summary it says that she is visiting Ireland and you are now in a strange place on the other side of the world too, and there are just so many parallels in just the summary that you had to get it* (I'll probably make a chapter about it when I finish. Also for those who do read the book, Ian and I don't really fight that much anymore like Addie and Ian do.)
*When you have just realized that your keyboard theme is the bi flag upside down and you had set that up even before you knew you were bi... And your thought is just that you are dumb as shit for not realizing that*
*When you are driving home from the dentist after fixing a cavity so your face is numb and you've kind of lost your filter and are saying some really dumb funny shit and are just conscious enough of what you are saying to not out yourself*
*When you have decided that the first person in your family that you are gonna come out to is Ian because you are super close and he's a huge supporter of LGBTQIA+ and you keep thinking "I should just say it. We are going somewhere, I should just call him aside and say it." And then your mind kind of wanders and starts thinking "or I could be a little shit, say it, and then run away. Or text him it and then ghost him." But you still haven't done it yet*
*When you have been having a sexuality crisis trying to figure out if you are actually lesbian bc you saw something online giving signs that you actually might be, or if you are straight and this is just a phase so you shouldn't waste money on pride things bc when you are out of this phase it might be weird and your common sense is just saying 'no stupid, you know you like girls' and then you are walking around and apparently visibly distressed and your mom asks you if something is wrong and "just internally screaming" slips out of your mouth and then she asks why and you keep brushing it off bc you are not ready for that yet and she says "well I can't help you if I don't know what's happening" and you just say "I know." And walk over to Ian bc he wants your opinion on his starwars ship in Minecraft and you are trying to sort things out with yourself and carry on a conversation and he brings up that his meds are working and you didn't even know he was on meds and are now thankful they are working and concerned for him and EVERYTHING IS A FREAKING MESS!!!!!* (I also have 'girls' by girl in red stuck in my head rn, not sweater weather, soooo)
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(Same night as before) |
(I just came out to my brother irl, and made a chapter about it I should be posting these around the same time so, you might want to check that out too.)
(I'm also going to do different formats like this) |
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Me:* is too lazy to actually get ready for bed and falls asleep in my clothes regularly*
My imidiate family: * not really giving a shit*
Cousin: is that the same shirt you wore yesterday?
Me who just came to the kitchen to get breakfast and isn't dressed for the day yet: *suddenly very self conscious and regrets it every time I do it but is too lazy to stop and just hates myself for it*:
u-uh, (ignores her) where's the fruit loops again?
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Me: *wears my pride socks on the plane going home*
Me: *remembers that being openly gay can get you literally KILLED in Bangladesh*
Me: *rolls down socks so you can't see the rainbow or the word "pride" cause I don't wanna get murdered*
Me: *honestly just disgusted with the world at this point*
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