Manipulative (No Label x Stem)

T W E N T Y - E I G H T

I went back into the living room and looked at it boredly. I had forgotten what life was like without a phone. I think I might have been more innocent and into books, but besides that, I hardly have any memories of it.

I glanced at the family pictures in the living room, then the boring wallpaper. Nope. I can't do this. I got up from the couch and went to see what Auntie was doing. She was cooking the chicken and some greens.

"Auntie," I called out over the loud noises of the kitchen. "Mhmmm," she responded, stirring up a pot of carrots and peas.

"Can I go over to Teddi's?" I asked.

Aunti glanced out the window. "No. It's too dark," she said. "Ion want them crackheads attacking you or them n- dudes Deyshawn was hanging around wit."

"But they might be able to tell Deyshawn to come back," flew out of my mouth before I could reason with myself. Auntie set one of her cooking utensils down, making a loud clack. She wasn't mad, but she seemed to be trying to find the right words to say.

"Johnsynne Brooklyn. You do realize that...you may never see your brother again, right? That he might be a dead man and you might be attending his funeral one day, your father present or absent ?"

I gulped, tears stinging my eyes. "But he has to come back. He should've learned his lesson by now. And the trial."

"J, there's no telling if he can leave now. He made his decision- a stupid one admittedly, and now he has to deal with the consequences. That's the way of life."

But Grandpa isn't automatically dealing with the consequences! And neither is Hannah! They get to be nasty and conniving while the innocent and good hearted suffer immediately once they do wrong.

I hid my wet face from her and went to the bathroom. I pulled the bag of the random substance out of a drawer Auntie never used. I had decided to stash it there. That way, if Auntie found it in here she'd just think Deyshawn accidentally left it and not know I was holding onto it.

I locked the door and blew out a deep breath, my chest feeling shaky. I opened the bag and stared at it with a vague feeling of deja vu. So what do I do? I don't even know if it's the type of stuff you sniff, or you put in a needle. I don't know a damn thing about drugs. This could be sugar in a bag for all I know- used as a decoy to cheat somebody, that Deyshawn happened to carry. The shit might even melt on your tongue like those packets of Kool Aid that's for water that we used to fake smoke.

My hands shook and I glanced back up at myself in the mirror. My eyes were determined and I had a slight frown. I looked more cool and collected than I felt on the inside. Good, I thought, the voice inside of my head somehow shaky as well.

I pulled the bag up to my nose, feeling somewhat obnoxious and foolish. Didn't they put the stuff on a piece of paper or on the counter, or something? I said fuck it and took in a deep inhale over the bag. I felt like coughing and sneezing all at the same time. The back of my throat turned papery dry and my tongue felt twisted.

I sniffed three more times repeatedly then fell backwards into the tub. The bag's contents spilled all over me and I took in a mouth full. The curtain fell and hit me in the eye. I could hear Auntie slamming something down and heading towards the bathroom. I was blacking out and my body felt numb in some areas but too alive in others.

My hands were shaking and my vision was going blurry. As my eyes closed, it felt like they moved in slow motion. It felt like I was falling from the sky.

Help, my thoughts echoed over and over until I lost consciousness. I could hear a heavy breathing in my ears, staying there as I entered a dream world. I felt murky and wet. I pulled myself out of a pit filled with blood and mud. I could stand now and it was up to my ankles. I saw a stretch of dry, grassy land and I tried to walk through the ankle deep thickness to reach it ahead of me.

I stepped on something hard and looked down by instinct. It was a body. I looked around me, panic clawing up my throat. Bodies. Body parts and asses, and fingers, and heads bobbing in the thick mud. Each step I took made the horizon before me shrink. The background was pitch black and animals howled.

For some reason my head snapped to the right and there was Deyshawn, naked and hairy, howling like an animal. His face warped into Grandpa's, slinging insults at me and throwing body parts from out of the mud at me. None of them were close to reaching me. Deyshawn was standing on dry land, so instead of moving forward, I figured I'd take a shortcut.

My body felt ten pounds heavier as I moved that way and Deyshawn was gone. My arms flew up and I fell through the mud. I was being smothered and I couldn't breathe. My lungs weren't working, I could see light under my eyelids.

My body burned and hurt in the spots they were once numb. Different figures and shapes transformed in my dream world, whirring by too fast for me to decipher. I felt dizzy and out of breath and sweaty. The last thing I remembered was a loud scream in one of my ears.