My Confidate

Chapter 21

"You can run all you want
But one day
Someone is going to take
A hold of you
And find you
And maybe they will even
Run with you
And who knows,
Maybe they will stick around
For longer than usual
And make things harder
To run away from."

"Sidharth's missing" Aditya heaved stilling himself against the door as I flung it open. I furrowed my brows stepping back as he stepped inside, the cold of the rain very obviously having stung him. "Subah se ghar nhi aye hai woh, and although I'm very fucking angry at the both of you right now, I need your help. Aap dono ki wajah se back sab pareshaan ho woh main nhi dekh skta." He continued the stoicness of his face ensuring there was more to worry than what he'd put upfront.

"Do you know where he could be?" I question letting the sickening feeling in my gut rise up my stomach. The nauseousness of the information leaving me numb. "2 ghante pehle club mein dikhe the. I tried stopping him but he left. He's drunk enough to do something insanely stupid and I can't help myself anymore" Aditya murmured, his voice however haste. I let out a sigh, clenching my eyes shut. Aditya seemed to be exactly where I'd been just years back. Driving through the night, hunting for him whilst he was out drinking, worried as hell about his safe being. "I know where he is" I blurt, grabbing my keys off the hook. "You stay here. I'll handle him" I say heading out the door without a seconds glance.

I drove down the dark night road, the clear roads not as calming as they'd become for the past few days. I slid down the windows, glancing through the numbered people occupying the sidelined shops and carts. The usual busy walkway almost completely deserted. Halting the car at the end of the street I head down the small alley down to the soft of the waves. The sound of the water against the silence anything but the bliss I knew them to be. I walked down to the sand letting thee coolness of the same instilled into my skin. The weather outside contrasting the blazingness of my feelings. I moved down to the secluded area of the beach, spotting a figure further down towards the water. Settled leisurely at the meeting of the land and water. I move faster letting the soft glint of the lights above come into picture. The highlights of his futures ensuring I'd come to the right place.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?" I yell turning him towards me clenching his sulked shoulders. The look in his eyes ensuring he knew absolutely nothing of where he was or what he'd come to do. He chuckled turning his face back towards the growing water. "I really can't run away from you can you? Na hote huye bhi hone hota hai tumhe. 7 saal se jab bhi woh sab soch ta hu tabhi aa jaati ho." He blabbered, a daze taking over his face. The expression of the same leaving my anger silenced. I stood silently, listening to him blabber unconsciously, the overwhelmingness of his state enough to bring me further unrest.

"I wish you were really here" he whispered turning back with a glint captivated in his eyes, his hand reaching up to my own. The touch ever so slight, almost as if he was trying to capture a mere illusion. "Sidharth.."

"Shh" he shushed pulling me down to crouch beside him. The slurred tone of his words intensifying the depth his eyes held. "This is the last I have with you, please let me express what I have to say... Subah toh Sunne begair hi chli gyi thi" He continued moving his eyes to his hold against my hand. I let a soft whiff of breath leave my lips, the warmth of his cold hands against my owns intense enough to leave shivers down my back.

Si - "Im sick of having to put on a mask on before you too. Being someone I'm not infant of you is even harder than doing it before myself. And yet I do it to hide the bulge of my feelings behind the same. I can't help but want to say things, want to express what I've hidden all these years. You knew I wasn't the type to fall in love but you struck the exact cord resulting in the same. And that feeling was so overwhelming that I couldn't help but keep it under covers. I couldn't help but run away from the best thing that would've happened in my life. The uncertainty of whether we would work, of whether I even deserved to get a chance with you left my mind boggled and then that night..... That night was the last time I was myself. The last time I'd felt bliss in a moment. The first and last moment I was able to freely express things I wanted. I know I'm at fault for leaving without an explanation but thats what I found most fitting. I wanted to go anywhere but face you after knowing I'd taken a step too far to even think of l lying about what I felt. I was stupid.. immature and everything else you've called me but that was all I could think of. I found an escape and I took it without a second thought but trust me I regretted that the moment we landed. And then the guilt letting the same happen. I didn't know what I was supposed to do Shehnaaz. I was scared. Scared of what would happen and scared of you choosing exactly what you chose today. Spending 7 years knowing that the move had left the both of us alone was more than enough to realize that I didn't like it this way but coming back wasn't exactly an option. I did not want to be alone but being with you was nothing more than just an alternative reality. I can't live without you.  I know that now....... But what I do not know is how to be the man you need me to be. The man you truly deserve. I don't know how to do this."

I let out a sigh, watching as his eyes drooped, the look of exhaustion taking over the earlier intensity of conversation. "Sidharth get up please" I mumble pulling at his arm. His dazed state not exactly giving into command. I push myself up, throwing his arm across my shoulder, keeping my stance still as his weight fell against my shoulders.

"Di.. woh Sidharth mil gya hai. He's fine but I don't want to bring him home like this" I state hesitantly looking over at the unconscious state of him. A soft groan left his lips, his words now blurred enough to ensure the understanding of none. "Haan, Ill bring him home myself tomorrow. Aap fikar mat krna aur please Aunty ko bhi bta dena that I'm taking him home with me."

I glanced back over at him watching him fall into a slight doze of sleep. Letting my window open I slid down into my seat letting the brisk air fan out the chaos of just an hour ago. The look of peace on his face currently the exact opposite of the unadulterated expressions of his just minutes before.The expressions of him being afraid of getting candid with how he felt. He didn't know how deeply I understood him. How I too was like him and yet could not unveil. Perhaps we were not on the same page, he goes white and I go jack somedays and yet we were still best friends somewhere deep inside. Best friends are there for you until the end not for selfish reasons ; They give you something to believe in. What happened seemed to not be either of our faults. And It makes me want to cry. However I won't let it take you. Like it almost took me those times.