Bloodless Day

Get Back

Sniffling, I stumbled down the faint impression of a hill towards the pasture, and there he was, a fluid shadow glittering in the sun, grazing against the grass that tried to grow, pushing its way up from the ground.

"He's a seal bay," Lilac had told me, as though knowing his color helped.

It didn't, but when the stallion caught sight of me and lifted his head, ears pricked, I couldn't help but give him a cracked smile. And when he lifted into his large, floating trot towards me, my smile melted into something genuine. Love and sadness went so well together.

And love had truly changed this horse, from the cowering, fearful animal into.. this.

Bloodless Day lowered his head into my open arms and rested against my chest. We stayed like that for a while, breathing in each other's presence. Slowly, the sharpness of my grief faded into a dull, cold sadness, but love warmed me.

"Thank you." I whispered.

BD straightened then, gave me a long, pentrating look, and then wheeled around and loped easily off. He was relaxed, but a worried ear remained on me.

*****

"Anna! When. Is. The. Last. Time. You. Went. Riding?!"

Lilac apprehended me at Bloodless Day's stall as I deposited him into it after a lunging session. The stallion snorted at her nervously, but at a soft word from me settled.

"Um, last week? Two weeks ago?" I guessed reluctantly, turning to face her, one hand still on the halter hook. I wasn't ready to ride. My heart was shattered and all the shards rested at the bottom of my chest. If I moved too quickly, I'd cut myself and it'll hurt all over again. Riding was not an option.

Lilac, blonde and light in this tiny corner Bloodless Day had made for things of shadow and grief, seemed out of place. Impatience tore at her, begging for motion as she flipped a lead line back and forth in her hand, foot jigging against the bedded ground. Tap tap tap.

"That's way too long ago. Your muscles are going to kill you. And how's that crazy animal going to run if you don't ride?" She jutted a thumb at Bloodless Day, yanking it back when he snapped in her direction.

I lay a hand on his indignant neck from over the stable door. It was damp with hose water and tense with Lilac, but as my fingers scratched him lightly, he relaxed, though his eye remained warily on my friend.

"About that...." I said slowly. "I'm not sure if he should be ridden anymore. Or raced."

"What? He's doing so well! He's so fast!"

It tore at my heart to say it, but that slim chestnut face kept pressing against my mind, hazel eyes begging, pleading, but the rider was falling too, shrinking, smaller than Jack, blonder than Jack, a girl, not Lilac but not Her either, a cross between the two. "It's so dangerous. He could die. He could be hurt..."

Lilac regarded me curiously for a moment, and then recognition flashed across her face in a tightening of the mouth and the closing of her eyes. "Anna. You can't live in that moment forever."

"I can try," I said.

She shook her head. "It's unfair to BD. You may prevent him from dying, but you're also keeping him from doing what he lives for."

I opened my mouth in retort, but Lilac slipped the lead line onto the halter hook and left without a backwards glance. Bloodless Day whuffed and gently nudged my shoulder.

"Why do I think she's not talking about you?" I asked him softly.

*****

For the next week, Lilac went out of her way to tempt me back into the saddle. Holiday Break, who was slowly beginning to eat again but no longer playful and adoring. Skip, so generous and lightly responsive. Granite, growing bored in his stall. Even Mia, who's foal was growing quickly and was nearly taller than me already. But it was Bloodless Day who got me back on.