Letting It Go

xiii.

7th April 2020

Sometimes it is better if the truth stays hidden. Or is it?

Before Adeela could speak further, or we could get a chance to comprehend her words, a shrill bell rang all around the camp. Radhika scrunched her face, as she hated the sound. Chatter began to pour from all around, as the bell signified that students can now officially return to their tents. I was too dumbfounded to even register what was happening next.

My ears keep ringing and a hollow feeling where hope was. Every particle of newfound determination escaped me, and I felt like a deflated balloon. I was still responsible for her murder, if what Adeela said was true.

So zoned out, I didn't even notice Adeela grabbing my hands and dragging me with her. I barely registered the surroundings. All I still know is that the landscape became rougher and the noise dulled down.

Shock splattered all over my heart as I figured where I was standing. The rest of the journey was a blur. The isolated and old washrooms. Later, Adeela told me that Radhika was the one who suggested this place.

I stumbled, my legs almost giving me away. The guilt tripled, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I struggled to breathe. I counted from one to hundred all over, trying to calm myself down. All of my emotions were a mess, and I was so absorbed in my own turmoil, I couldn't even hear my friends' telling me to calm down.

Finally, I could breathe. But as soon as my emotions somewhat cleared, anger replaced them. I didn't care (at that moment) whether they did this purposefully or just out of ignorance. All I cared about was how they could bring me to this place. This was the last place where I saw Sanjhana before she died.

Rage twisted and turned inside my chest. Finally giving in to my anger, I screamed, my voice somehow not mine, "How could you do this to me? She brought me here. She died after that conversation. Why do you keep rubbing in my face that somewhere I am responsible for her death. Why? WHY?" My voice increased, so did the shock on their faces. Deathly silence replaced my yelling voice.

~~~~~

a/n: i know that there are practically no descriptions or her friends are one-dimensional. but that is because she was grieving at that moment. grief is too strong and often blinds people. she doesn't remember much surroundings as it happened a year ago. and her friends are only mentioned when her emotions are extremely high. as i want to keep it slightly realistic.