my best mistake | dotae

twenty-two

Johnny's peaceful sleep on the couch was interrupted when the doorbell rang. He groaned and got up, not even bothering to check the time. But he was more than surprised when he saw Taeyong standing at the door.

"Taeyong? what's up?" Johnny asked, he immediately noticed that the younger was drunk

"is he home? i mean Doyoung" Taeyong asked quietly as he ran his hand through his hair

"he's showering right now but yeah. why though?"

"i-i need to talk to him. it's important"

Johnny sighed "Taeyong, you're drunk and he's really tired. can't you just text him later or something?"

"please Johnny, i have to see him. please let me in even for a few minutes" Taeyong said, getting stressed out

"okay, but don't do anything stupid. i'll just go take a walk while you to talk or something" Johnny said and moved so Taeyong could go in past him

"thank you, Johnny. i owe you one"

Johnny just gave him a nod before leaving and closing the door behind him. Now Taeyong was alone, he could hear the shower water running and Doyoung's quiet singing from the bathroom. Quietly, he took his shoes and jacket off before going to the living room and sitting down on the couch.

A few minutes later Taeyong heard the bathroom door open. He gulped and turned around to see Doyoung.

The younger's hair was wet and messy, he was only wearing an oversized white t-shirt. At first Doyoung was smiling but when he spotted Taeyong his expression changed from happy to shocked really quickly.

"why are you here?" Doyoung asked quietly and the older stood up, walking closer to him

"i-we need to talk"

"what do you mean?"

"actually, no. i need to talk to you"

Doyoung was kind of unsure what to do or say but he just nodded "go on then"

"Doyoung, could you please be honest with me and tell me; did i hurt you or do something wrong?" Taeyong asked and the younger froze

"m-maybe"

Doyoung felt pathetic. He couldn't even look at Taeyong, he just kept staring at his fingers and fiddling with them.

This wasn't his plan at all. His plan was to make Taeyong give up and ask him to be his boyfriend or something. Not this. He felt stupid.

"then, i'm really sorry. and um, i know this sounds dumb but can you forgive me? i feel like we grew closer but now.. everything's messed up in just a few days" Taeyong said and Doyoung finally looked at him

"i forgive you. but i also need you ask you something. again"

Taeyong took a deep breath "what is it?"

"do you- did you have feelings for me at any point?" Doyoung asked, voice getting quieter every word

"i-i don't know. i've never liked a guy that way so i'm not sure"

"then, why do you hate the fact that i'm dating someone else so much?"

Taeyong eyes grew slightly wider at Doyoung's sudden harsh tone "Doyoung, are you okay?"

Doyoung felt something inside him snap and suddenly he was crying. He took a deep breath.

"do i seem like i'm okay? Taeyong, do you know how much i-it fucking hurts?" Doyoung said, voice cracking at the end "are you really emotionless or just stupid?"

Taeyong stepped closer to him and tried to hug the younger but got pushed away.

"don't fucking touch me right now" Doyoung said, more tears forming in his eyes

"Doyoung, w-what's wrong?"

"fuck, i don't even know. you. everything. i really fucked up this time"

Taeyong sighed "maybe i should leave"

"yeah, like always. every time i show my feelings you run away like the coward you are. you know what, Taeyong, i'm not even surprised your girlfriend wanted to take a break from you"

Taeyong was shocked. He had no idea Doyoung could be this harsh.

"are you just gonna shut up and run away?" Doyoung asked after the older stayed silent "then fucking do it! just go!"

By now, Doyoung was sobbing and could barely breathe. He couldn't even see anything through the tears.

Taeyong gulped and walked towards him, pulling Doyoung into a tight hug. The younger tried to resist. He kept hitting Taeyong's chest and sobbing loudly but eventually he gave up.

Then they just stood there, Doyoung sobbing into Taeyong's chest while the older kept his arm around the younger and stroked his back. Doyoung was still crying and sobbing but not as badly as before.

"what's wrong with me?" Doyoung asked quietly, almost whispering, after a while

"nothing is wrong with you, Doyoung. i'm the one who hurt you, you deserve to cry and be emotional"

Doyoung let out a sad chuckle and shook his head "you hurt me because i let my feelings take over. i'm stupid"

"hey, listen to me. it's impossible for someone to control their feelings. i'm not sure what you're talking about but-"

"you still don't know" Doyoung interrupted him "Taeyong, maybe you are stupid after all. can't you tell that i fell for you already? i fell hard and it fucking hurts that you still haven't realized. did you not see how my heart broke every time you told me the sex we had meant nothing to you? or how it hurt me when you said you want nothing else than my body? Taeyong, you've hurt me so much and still, i still can't get over you even though we didn't even date at any point. it hurts so much. i know it's wrong that i feel like this because i promised you i wouldn't catch feelings but fuck, it was impossible. i kept denying it but gave up at some point and wow, got hurt. and fuck, now i'm dating someone just so i could hurt you back and it's not even working. i hate myself"

Taeyong swore he would've bursted into tears if Doyoung wouldn't notice it. But no, he just blinked the few tears in his eyes away and stayed silent for a few more seconds.

"Doyoung, you're right. i am stupid because i don't even know what to say. but i'm sorry. i'm sorry for not realizing how i treated you. i should've been better. i just.. i wish i could turn back time and do things better but that's not how it works. i'll never forgive myself for making you like this. but i-i hope you could give me a chance. a chance for me to prove that i can be better"

Doyoung looked up at Taeyong and furrowed his eyebrows "what do you mean?"

"Doyoung, would it be impossible for us to date? not friends with benefits or anything like that. just boyfriends"

- BYE WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING THIS BOOK'S A HUGE MESS LOL