"What's bothering you?" I asked.
"Huh?"
"You're drinking milk and you're smoking. What's going on?"
A weird combination, I know but that's what she does when she's stressed. Drinks a lot of milk and smoke cigarettes.
She once said she would like to drink alcohol like others do when they're down if only she's not allergic to it.
Jisoo looked at her right hand that's holding a carton of chocolate milk and to the other that's holding a cigarette like she didn't know she was holding both.
"How did you get in here?" Jisoo asked instead of answering my question. Typical.
"I'm good at guessing." I said as I sit beside her.
"Guess what's wrong then." She said with raised brow.
"You're upset because I'm back with him." I said a matter-of-factly.
She just hummed and took a drag on her cigarette and blew it away from me. She knows I hate the smell of it.
"He hurt you, left you broken and now you're back with him. Do you want me to be happy with that?" She asked coldly.
"I'm happy with him." Because he reminds me of you.
I saw her clenched her jaw before standing up and leaving for her room.
I want to follow her but I know she wouldn't listen to me anyway. I was in the wrong anyway. I couldn't help it though.
I got addicted to the pain. I got addicted to the thought of her through him.
I know she likes me, loves me even. She never fail to show me. She makes me feel like I'm all she needs, all she wants, like I'm everything.
I know she's hurting and I hate myself for being the cause of it.
But she's a girl, and I am too.
They said the world is starting to be accepting, but I beg to differ.
I want to love her freely because that's what she deserves. I want the world to know that she's mine and I am hers. I want to kiss her without thinking what other people would say.
Without risking what she made for herself, what I made for myself.
I just want to be in her arms forever.
But for now I will grab the closest thing of having her through him. They're twins anyway.
--
"Should I wait?" Jisoo asked as we watch the city lights on the balcony of her bedroom.
After sitting alone in her living room, I followed her in her bedroom and saw her finishing her cigarette and chocolate milk there.
I know what she's asking. But I still proceed to ask what she meant without looking at her. Because looking at her will just make me want to kiss her. And I can't do that.
I heard her chuckle and sigh.
"Let's go? Jin must be looking for you." She said as she stood up.
"Forget about him." I muttered that again made her chuckle.
She sit back down that made me move closer to her. She drapped her arms around me as she kiss my temple and sigh in contentment.
I love this. Feeling her warmth around me, her perfume, her strong embrace. I wish I could stay here forever.
She's everything that I craved for. Everything I needed. I know she's a mess just like I am but my feelings seems a little bit stronger. Everything it seems like's a little bit sweeter, a little bit harmful for me.
This isn't very smart I know. But can you blame my heart that only longs for her?
"Should we run away?" I joked.
"Can you?" She asked me back and that struck me. I can't. For now, I can't.
"Should I wait?" She asked for the second time.
"I don't want to keep you from meeting new people Jisoo." I told her truthfully. "That would be unfair." I continued that made her nod with pursed lips.
Jisoo looked at the city lights again, at the moon and at a huge billboard of our group that you can see from here.
"I don't want other people though. I want you. You know I'm ready to risk everything for you right?" Jisoo asked and my heart sunk.
I know. But I don't think I can. I can't. For now, I can't.
"People haven't seen our full potential yet. We still haven't shown the world what we could do. You haven't even released your solo yet." I said with a humourless chuckle.
I heard her sigh and she stood up removing her arms around me. I already miss her warmth.
"Let's go inside?" Jisoo asked offering her hand for me to get up.
I looked at her eyes, at her hand, and accepted it.
Could I really let her go?
Jisoo kissed my forehead when we're face to face.
"I'll wait. Sorry for being silly and asking that stupid question. I'll wait until the world run out of cigarettes and chocolate milk." She said with a chuckle, her eyes sparkling that made me smile.
How could she look at me like this? How could she make me feel loved by just looking at me like this?
"Can you please dump my twin though?" Jisoo asked that made me chuckle as we enter her room with her arms around me.
"I'll think about it Ms. Cigarettes and chocolate milk."
