a different type of high | s.r.

part twelve

Content Warning: overdosing, mentions of drugs (dilaudid, oxycodone, unknown) /kidnapping, struggles with sobriety, relapse, stealing medicine/drugs, Attending Narcotics Anonymous, brief, suicide mention, panic/anxiety attacks, ooc spencer

this part does contain some darker content and themes. please proceed with caution

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Spencer got called away on a case. Which left me alone in his apartment for a week. Part of me was worried something bad would happen to me again. But I reassured myself that the people who got me the first time are gone... Locked away, forever. Spencer got extra locks and stuff installed on the front door, making it a little safer for me.
As much as I hated him being gone, I was actually quite relieved about it. It gave me time to relive the moments before he left. The moment I told him I loved him. Obviously I meant it, why else would I tell him? The way he looked at me once the words left my mouth, and the way he just left is what scared me. I tried not to overthink it, but it was already too late. Overthinking was my forte...

I think I hung out the most in his bedroom, lounging around in his windbreaker and flannel pants. I appreciated his clothes smelled like him and the way swallowed me up like I didn't exist.

Spencer didn't tell me when he'd be home. Just that the team would be gone for a few days and would be home soon. But no date or time. It'd been about 5 days, and I was doing okay.

Alright, okay is a stretch. I have very much not been okay. If I was okay, I wouldn't be sitting in the bathroom with a bottle of pills I bought off the street. If I was okay I wouldn't be sleeping all day. If I was okay, I wouldn't be saying I was okay. Because that was a blatant lie.

Also wouldn't be relieving the moments while I was kidnapped, or while I was in the hospital, or after I told Spencer I loved him, if I was okay. I guess I was the furthest thing from okay. Who knows if I'll ever be okay again? I sure as hell didn't.

The orange bottle that I held in my hand only had a small amount of pills left in them. I don't remember when I bought them, and they're almost gone. I think I was just trying to get them gone before Spencer returned. But part of me knew I wouldn't make it that far.

I could hear the several locks being undone from where I was in the bathroom. My ears had a certain sensitivity and I guess I could hear the smallest of sounds. But also the locks on the door were deadbolts.

My eyes looked at the bottle, before flicking towards the bathroom door. It was impressive how fast I twisted the lid off the bottle and tipped some of the pills into my hand. My body was on autopilot as I brought my hand to my mouth, the pills lading on my tongue. I choked them down dry, ignoring the bitter taste of the pills as they went down. I quickly hid the bottle in the ceiling tiles in the bathroom before leaving.

Spencer was standing behind the couch, looking through his bag. He wore a tired look in his eyes as he was searching for whatever it was he wanted. It must've been a rough case since he looks so tired.

"Hey," I finally said after a moment of just standing there. Spencer froze, his hands stilling in his bag before he looked up at me. The exhaustion was even worse face on than it was from the side. I'm sure the dim lighting was to blame. "Welcome home." I smiled.

"Welcome?" Spencer raised an eyebrow as he looked at me. I swallowed roughly as I shoved my hands into the pockets of his windbreaker. "It's freezing in here," he muttered as he moved to the thermostat. I watched as he changed the temperature.

"Really? I-I hadn't noticed," I whispered as I looked to the ground. Spencer walked over to me, stopping a few feet in front of me. I could feel his irritated glare even though I wasn't looking at him. "H-How was the case?" I asked as I looked up at him. His jaw tensed momentarily as he thought of his answer.