The Conversation

4

Everyone has a safe room. For some its the kitchen where baked goods are made, others their bedroom. For Millie it's the bathroom. A door she can lock without Jill jumping into false scenarios of what she may be hiding. Millie has learned to not give her a husband a reason to even think of accusing her of something like that again and as a result, when she needs her own space with the door locked, the bathroom is where she goes.

It's just Millie and her reflection staring immensely at each other and in between them, a pregnancy test. Identical eyes drawn into each other hating how much power this result holds. If it's positive there might be a chance at saving their marriage. A child will have to bring Jill out of the basement, Millie tells herself. He would want to be with his son or daughter, playing dress up and changing diapers. He wouldn't want Millie to do it all by herself. And When she's stressed and the lack of sleep has triggered her to cry in her safe space, he will approach her with a type of gentleness he's never performed before, hold her, and remind himself how much he fucking loves this women. His women, the mother of his child. And they can finally put this terribly season of their marriage behind them. Their child will grow and eventually succeed in other areas of life and when it's just the two of them again, a full circle moment, they will laugh at how messy they use to be because now they actually love one another.

And if it's negative, well, Millie doesn't actually know. Millie doesn't think she has the strength to leave.

Fuck it. She grabs the stick with aggression, flipping it over and covering the result with her palm. For a moment, Millie wonders if she should call Jill. They can read the results together and if its negative, he'll be there saying comforting words and allowing her to well in his arms. That's what a husband should do. She doesn't call him, she removes her hand instead.

Negative.

"Millie!" Jill shouts from the basement. His footsteps are heavy as he runs up the stairs. "Oh my goodness, Mill!" Doors are opening and closing, trying to find his wife in every room he enters. His voice is heard all over the house, it's as loud as his steps. He's always been the type to walk with his heels while Millie's steps are more soft, leading with the palm of her feet.

Millie rips her eyes from the test and back to the mirror. Don't cry, she warns herself. She swallows all the emotions she cannot afford to feel. Her absent baby, her emotionally occupied husband who has no idea what that test just did to her, and the decision of their marriage weighing down her shoulders. Once it's digested down her stomach, she takes a deep breath and opens the door.

Millie doesn't go find her husband, she walks into the kitchen taking out a mug to prepare coffee.

The sound is familiar to Jill's ear and it makes him turn around and run her direction. "I did it. I-I finished my creation." When he doesn't get a response he gets closer. His hands hold Millie's shoulder to make her face him, so she does. "I finally did it. All these years, Mill. Of course I still have some adjustments to make after the trial run, but I finally have a draft to work with!" Jill doesn't know why he's starring into lifeless eyes. Dull and grey represents the look on his wife's face. She's not smiling, not congratulating him. She's numb and it slowly makes his excitement crumble. "W-whats wrong?"

Millie's eyes freezes in Jill's. A glossy layer thickening by the second. Millie doesn't dare blink the tears into action. "I'm not pregnant."

Every ounce of rejoice Jill felt seconds ago had folded and crushed against his heart. The scribbled notes he could barely finished just to run over and tell Millie the great news he couldn't hold anymore had meant nothing to him. He shoves his huge accomplishment that received no attention and chooses to show up for his wife.

"When did you take the test?" Jill's eyes wonder all over Millie's face in concern.

"Just now." She whispers.

Jill curves his face, a bit hurt. "Just now?" He whispers even quieter it barely reaches Millie.

She turns away from him, placing her palms on the counter and hangs her head between her shoulders. "I'm suppose to be pregnant, Jill."

"Let's give it some more time."

"It's been weeks since we had sex!" Millie aggressively turns to Jill. "God, it's just not working. It won't ever work." Her breathing becomes faster once she can't hold her tears anymore. She's turning away from Jill in embarrassment, wiping the tears as quickly as they come.

"Hey," Jill moves to where she's faced, his hand cupping her cheeks. He sees the heartbreak in her eyes as if this wasn't a negative pregnancy test but a miscarriage. Millie was so hopeful, too hopeful that she actually believed there was a baby in her. "I'm right here, honey." The words that left his lips felt impossible. Jill hasn't spoken that way to Millie in years but for some reason, in this moment, it felt natural. He see's Millie's reaction, the attention she yearned for so long. It felt like she needed to earn it to ever receive it again, and it was right there at a reach if she wanted it. If she didn't want to make an argument over this. So she doesn't, and she takes the limited time Jill is willing to offer because both know, this won't happen again.