Insecure

1

When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is check my social media accounts to see some updates from my friends. I noticed a girl in a bikini showing her perfect curves and a lovely grin. Asking, How did God create this woman so perfectly? I reacted to it since I adore her so much to the point I wish I was her. I closed my eyes again and tried to pretend my life was as beautiful as hers. --Waking up in the morning with a cold breeze from the air conditioner, drinking my milk, and take a shower, looking at my closet getting problematic of my tons of outfits. Going out with my friends and do my nails --

" Ang aga- aga angel selpon agad hawak mo! "

I rolled my eyes as I awoke to the reality of my situation. I was awakened early in the morning by a yell from my mama. I went downstairs and began doing things that I typically do.

" Kumain kana at hugasan mo ang pinggan pagkatapos, labhan mo na din ang damit ng kapatid mo dahil ako ay aalis na"

I can't and will never complain about the state of our living situation. I know my parents worked very hard to ensure that we ate three times a day. I did everything my mama instructed me to do: I ate, then cleaned the dishes, washed the clothing, and cleaned the home.

I lay down in bed to take a rest, opened Instagram, and noticed a post from a girl checking in to spend time with her family at a nice hotel. What a lovely family she has. I stalked her account in the hopes of finding some cute outfit, but I ended up becoming envious of her. I switched off my phone and went upstairs to clean my room and planning to do a makeover so that I can at least post some pictures in my feed too.

I looked at my few makeups and realized some of them are almost run out and I don't have money to buy new ones. Despite that, I continued to do my makeup. After many shots, I stared at it for a long time and realize none of them turned out great as expected. It's unfortunate since I spent over an hour applying my makeup and gained nothing. As a gesture of surrender, I removed my makeup and ended up in bed.

" Ate magluto kana baka dumating na sila mama at mapagalitan tayo walang pagkain na nakahanda"

It's almost evening. I was sleeping the whole time and didn't even notice.

I prepared the food so that my parents won't have to do it when they come home because I know they are exhausted from work. I heard a knock from our door and guessing my parents has arrived.

" Good evening ma, Good evening pa"

" Naglaba kaba? "

The first thing my mama asked is did I washed the clothes? Is it too much to asked how my day went?

" Oo ma, kukunin ko na po pagkatapos natin kumain "

" Anak, labhan mo pala yong pantalon ko bukas ha"

Who am I to turn down my father's request? Knowing they raised me my entire life.

" Sure pa no problem "

" Bait talaga ng anak ko"

Even small compliments at least brighten my day. I love my papa so much.

" Nakita mo ba yong anak ni marites, angel? First honor sa klase niya, bakit hindi mo sya gayahin? Yan kasi puro ka cellphone "

I grasp my fork and spoon tightly, wishing I didn't hear them. Using too much phone? I did the laundry, cleaned the house earlier, and washed the dishes after each meal. I still love my mama so much.

" Ma, at least nasa second honor ako- "

" At least? Ano yan angel pasang awa? Pano ka makakuha ng scholarship niyan kung yung grades mo hindi pasok sa passing rate ng scholar?! "

" Sorry ma, medyo nahihirapan kasi ako sa sarili ko lately -"

" Sge cellphone pa, pag walang improvements yang grades mo until next semester hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sayo. "

I hold my tears and tried to finish my meal so I wouldn't have to listen to my mother's ranting. I still cleaned the dishes, even though my mama nearly threw her plate into the sink. After that, I took my laundry outside and started folding them.

I went to my room and began crying. I'm exhausted. How can I be exhausted even though I was just sleeping the whole afternoon?

<3