The Other Life

"For though they may
be parted, there is
still a chance that
they will see"

~ Let it be
by The Beatles

---

Another year passed, but it's still fresh. The pain is still there but I am now moving forward. And it's not that easy to let go.

Di ko alam kung bakit ako dinala ng aking mga paa patungo sa isang lugar na napakahalaga, sa lugar kung saan nagsimula ang lahat, kung saan ko siya nakilala, kung saan kami unang nagkita.

I'm here at the park, reminiscing the past, our first encounter... while sitting at the swing, looking at the children playing around. A curved initially painted at my face as I remember everything.

"Maybe you're up there and I'm down here..."

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at inalala ang tagpong iyon. Natawa ako sa aking sarili dahil sinungitan ko pa siya noon, akala ko kase ay stalker siya dahil sinusundan niya ako.

Naglakad na ako paalis... I think this is enough, baka kase lalo ko lang pahirapan ang sarili ko.

"Miss!", sigaw ng isang lalaki, hindi ko alam kung ako ba yung tinatawag niya kaya't di ko na lang pinansin.
"Miss...", nagulat ako dahil kasabay ng kanyang pagtawag ay ang paghawak niya sa braso ko dahilan upang mapatigil ako sa aking paglalakad.

"Hey!", sabi ko sabay bawi ng aking braso. Ngunit pagkaharap ko'y tila bumagal ang lahat sa paligid.

"Miss, sa'yo ata 'to," saad nito at iniabot sa akin ang isang cellphone na siguro'y di ko na namalayang nahulog ko noong umupo ako sa duyan kanina.

Hindi ako nakakibo, natulala lamang ako dahil tila nangyari na ito. Oo, ganitong ganito rin ang una naming pagtatagpo. It's a deja vu, I think.

"Miss?" saad nito na nagpabalik sa akin sa ulirat.

"Ha?" yan na lamang aking naging tugon dala ng aking pagkabigla sa nangyayari.

"I think, this is yours." Muli niyang iniabot sa akin ang cellphone. Kinuha ko iyon.

"S-salamat," tugon ko rito.

"Ahh by the way, I'm Jael." Pakilala nito at kanya ring paglahad ng kamay, tanda ng pakikipagkilala.

"Ahh, I-i'm Ashriel," I awkwardly introduce my self.

"Ohh, cute name, nice meeting you," nakangiti nitong sabi.

"T-thank you, nice meeting you too," tugon ko naman.

"Sige una na 'ko ah, see you when I see you!" kaway nito sabay alis. Nginitian ko na lamang ito.

Hindi ko alam bakit ganito yung pakiramdam ko, yung pakiramdam na parang matagal ko na siyang kilala. Na may koneksyon kami sa isa't isa. Pero imposible 'yon dahil ngayon lang naman kami nagkita at nagkakilala. Sino ka ba? Jael...

A week passed since I met Jael, but 'til now, there's the feeling that I've known him for so long. Hmmm...

Dadalawin ko ngayon ang puntod ni Jethro, my lover in heaven.

A bouquet of flowers, scented candles, picnic cloth and foods. Brought to do my yearly routine. While sitting and enjoying the moment by myself, I saw a familiar figure.

Inaninag kong mabuti upang mas matanaw ko ito, kinukumpirma kung siya nga ba iyon. Hindi nga ako nagkakamali, siya nga.

"Jael?!" me trying to catch his attention.

"Oh? Ashriel?" as he recognized me. Lumapit ito sakin.
"Kamusta?" tanong nito.

"I'm... fine," I answered.
"You? How are you?" pangangamusta ko rin sa kanya.

"I'm totally okay," saad nito.

Tumagal pa ang aming usapan, ni hindi ko na nga namalayan na lumubog na pala ang araw. Ang bilis talaga gumaan ng loob ko sa kanya at... hindi ko din talaga maiwasan na makita sa kanya ang katauhan ni Jethro, that's why siguro ang gaan ng loob ko sa kanya. Kung iisipin ay tila nabuhay muli si Jethro sa katauhan ni Jael.

It's almost 5 months na nang ako at si Jael ay madalas nang nagkikita, kumakain sa labas, not dating but I must say, something close to that. Because of him, I am now nearly on that "moved on stage" and I must admit that, I like him pero di ko alam kung ready na 'ko, di ko rin alam kung sigurado ba ako sa nararamdaman ko.

"Ash... you know, I like you. No, I don't like you pala. I think, I'm inlove with you!" he said out of nowhere. I literally drop my spoon as I heard what he said.

"Huh?" gulat na saad ko.

"I love you, Ashriel."

Di ko alam ang isasagot ko. Nakatingin lamang ako sa kanya, tinatantya kung may sasabihin pa ito.

"You don't need to answer, I just want you to know my feelings towards you. And it's not a joke or what." he smiles genuinely.

I nod my head and finished my food.

We're now at the car, ihahatid niya na ako pauwi. I think, I am floating. I'm still thinking on what he confessed a while ago. I know that it isn't fair to say "I love you too" if I know myself that I still have this barrier on my heart. And hindi ko din alam kung yung nararamdaman ko ba para sa kanya ay dahil gusto ko siya o dahil nakikita ko lang sa kanya si Jethro. Hindi ko alam... ayoko siyang paasahin, he is too kind to treat that way.

"We're here," sabi niya na nagpabalik sa akin sa ulirat. I wave goodbye to him as I entered our gate...

"Jael! Wait!" tawag ko rito bago pa ito makasakay sa kotse.
"I'm sorry... I think, I like you too but... it'll not be fair for you," I said in teary eyes.

"Don't be sorry, it's fine. I'm willing to wait. I'll help you to heal that scar from your past." Then he hugged me.

"Thank you!" I muttered.

This man deserves to love back, this man made me realize that love can heal the pain brought also by love.

We just stayed at our position, I hugged him back, then my tears slowly drops as I felt his warmth. He kisses my forehead and even tightened his wrapped arms onto mine.

Ngayon ko na lang ulit ito naramdaman, after more than 3 years. I can finally say, I've moved on. Thanks to this man whom I'm with. Now, I am sure. I love him for who he is and not because I saw my past on him.

Thanks to my past.
Welcome to my present.
May my present be my future.

---

“And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shinin’ until tomorrow, let it be.”

~ Let it be
by The Beatles