desolate minds

i. the darkest burning star

Of course my change wasn't easy (on myself or others), but in the end everything worked out.

That was then though, and now my only regret was that I hadn't found my true gender sooner. As life after death wasn't what those religious loonies had chalked it up to be.

One moment, I literally felt myself —my soul— slip through my body like I was a snake shedding its skin, and then the next I felt like I was in a bottle of slimy vasoline. I drifted in and out of consciousness frequently, but I was never fully there.

The more time that went by, the more I forgot about myself and my  past. Every now and then however, my memories would come back to me and I'd begin to panic. I'd squirm and kick— doing all that I could to try and escape wherever the hell I was. The attacks would never last long however, because soon I'd tire and drift into unconsciousness again.

This went on in a cycle before one day I was finally released. Leaving the gooey prison wasn't something I clearly remembered. All I can really recall is feeling the impact of cold air against my naked body, and that someone was handling me— rather gently might I add, despite my extreme thrashing.

I had plenty of time to think while I was in that dark place. One of the things I had pondered on was reincarnation. It was something I genuinely hoped was real, as I would prefer to live a life that severely  lacked undead monsters that were out to get me. I wanted to be able to live again; truly live this time. I would never take what I had for granted again, and I would make sure to cherish every single person in my life.

My new life only actually began when I figured everything out. I was in my new mother's arms, being lulled to sleep by her and my father's coos. Another body was on the bed next to my mother, curled up at her side as they looked on at me— the bundle in her arms. My new family was speaking in Japanese, and if nothing else had clued me in  enough to my reincarnation, that was surely the deal breaker since I had been living in America before.

I wanted to smile, but my muscles weren't under my complete control at the moment, so I could only manage a small twitch of my lips. There was an amazed 'ooh ' before I felt a hand wrap over mine. It was smaller than my mother's so it had to be the person beside her. My new sibling.

My father chuckled, "He's cute, isn't he?"

The language came to me instantly, as if I had known it my whole  life, when really I only knew English and a few words in Spanish. As astounding as that fact was, what really caught me was the pronoun that  had been used to address me.

'Male pronouns. I was born as my gender? I don't have to start all over again? ' I wanted to cry, but tried to restrain myself. If I let loose even the  smallest tear, I knew that my child's body would turn it into a loud tantrum that would only serve to stress my family (and ruin this sweet moment).

"Yes!" The child replied. My family's voices were beginning to grow softer the more I drifted further into unconsciousness, my body growing tired once again. "I'm a nii-san now?"

"That's right, Sasori-kun." That was my mother's voice... "This is your little brother, Kyojin."

× × ×

As a teenager in my past life, there was a brief period where I found myself completely obsessed with anime and manga.

I had seen thousands of episodes, read multiple chapters, and owned various kinds of merchandise. I was a fan of plenty, but there was one single series that I had been attached to since before I even knew it was an anime: Naruto.

Naruto was an anime/manga that plenty of people knew about. Young, old— it didn't matter because somehow, there was a chance that they'd  have heard of it. You may not have remembered it, but it had most likely crossed your mind at one point.